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Substance Abuse
Emotions all over the place
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 735522" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Again strangeworld, I could have written much of your post. My response to much of the stuff you write is just coming into consciousness (and I just woke up) so will write just a bit.</p><p></p><p>I have the generational thing in my family, too. I am beginning to call it inherited trauma, that has been passed along, and that I carry.</p><p></p><p>I live with it like a hot potato. If it surfaces it needs to get out of here. Fast. And I disown it.</p><p></p><p>With my son nothing I could do could get rid of the hot potato. It is a constant ache from the burn always there. Last night's nightmares were about my son. when I feel the pain of the burn, I name him as the cause.</p><p></p><p>Except guess what?</p><p></p><p>I had a drinking past too as a young woman though I do not drink now. There were similarities to yours. It was work related. It was excessive. I was wild. I felt invincible.I was in danger without being aware.</p><p></p><p>And my dad was an alcoholic and drug user. Like bad. He worked but almost skid row bad. It ended badly.</p><p></p><p>And my son's birth parents were drug addicts.</p><p></p><p>I am slowly understanding that the problem here is me. I have no desire to go to al anon. I have no desire to be with other sad, hand wringing mothers and wives like me. That is how I imagine the group.</p><p></p><p>I am going to go to AA. Somebody told me recently your son is your drug. Your drink. She was right.</p><p></p><p>You know that song, amazing grace? </p><p></p><p>I once was lost but now i'm found....</p><p></p><p>I found myself in my son.</p><p></p><p>But all these years later I have become the hot potato. My unresolved pain and past. I see it. The hot potato is what I am carrying. The pain is mine. Not him.</p><p></p><p>Thank you strange world</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 735522, member: 18958"] Again strangeworld, I could have written much of your post. My response to much of the stuff you write is just coming into consciousness (and I just woke up) so will write just a bit. I have the generational thing in my family, too. I am beginning to call it inherited trauma, that has been passed along, and that I carry. I live with it like a hot potato. If it surfaces it needs to get out of here. Fast. And I disown it. With my son nothing I could do could get rid of the hot potato. It is a constant ache from the burn always there. Last night's nightmares were about my son. when I feel the pain of the burn, I name him as the cause. Except guess what? I had a drinking past too as a young woman though I do not drink now. There were similarities to yours. It was work related. It was excessive. I was wild. I felt invincible.I was in danger without being aware. And my dad was an alcoholic and drug user. Like bad. He worked but almost skid row bad. It ended badly. And my son's birth parents were drug addicts. I am slowly understanding that the problem here is me. I have no desire to go to al anon. I have no desire to be with other sad, hand wringing mothers and wives like me. That is how I imagine the group. I am going to go to AA. Somebody told me recently your son is your drug. Your drink. She was right. You know that song, amazing grace? I once was lost but now i'm found.... I found myself in my son. But all these years later I have become the hot potato. My unresolved pain and past. I see it. The hot potato is what I am carrying. The pain is mine. Not him. Thank you strange world [/QUOTE]
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