Mouseyone, I'm sorry you continue to struggle with your son's mental illness. My heart goes out to you. My brother is schizophrenic and my sister struggles with what we believe to be schizoaffective disorder, so I understand how difficult this is for you. My daughter struggles with some form of mental illness or conduct disorder as well. It is a very difficult path to watch our loved ones go off the rails when there is nothing we can do to save them.
You may already be aware of NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, but if you are not, you can access them online, they have chapters in many cities. They offer parent courses, which many here, including me, have taken. I'd encourage you to take their parent course, it offers guidance, support, information and resources for you and perhaps, for your son. If it feels right to you, give them a call. They may be able help you with options you have not considered.
You may gain some clarity and solace from the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.
Try reading a book entitled, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie as well, it's helpful.
Meditation helped me. You can go on YOUTUBE and search guided meditations for letting go, grief, sorrow, acceptance.....it helps to quiet the relentless fears about or kids.
Give this a lot of thought before you make any commitments. Look back at the last years, that is what is going to continue because your son is not willing to change. Ask yourself if that is what you want and if you are willing to take care of him WITHOUT resentment.
As everyone has said, you can only do what your heart can bear. I know how hard it is to let go, I've had to let go of most of my family members......it's devastating. And, it is often necessary for our health and well being. Continue to look at options. Step back for now. Don't make any long term commitments. Give it time. Take care of yourself now.
He's telling you what he is willing to do. It doesn't sound as if he has any commitment to his own health and well being.
This is hard stuff Mouseyone. I know it sounds weird in the midst of your son's pending homelessness, but it is imperative that you take care of yourself now......it's good that you are in therapy, many of us here need that level of professional support. Make sure you cover the basics, get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, exercise, take walks outside so you can feel the sun on your face, put yourself in supportive environments where you feel seen and heard and safe....every step of this journey is filled with mine fields.....get yourself a solid support system, continue posting here, take very good care of yourself, develop a "tool box" of things you do when you are blindsided by your son's behaviors.....things you can do to make yourself feel better.....
Hang in there, you're not alone. We're here for you.
