I am so sorry you are dealing with this difficult thing. And I feel for your child so much. I have IBS and when I am under a lot of stress the fear of flareups makes me anxious and fearful.
One thing that has helped me a lot when I have flareups is this: I am very careful to eat a lot of fiber. I build up to 3 T of psyllium fiber every day. (Please check with your pediatrician first). Every few days I make a large bowl of very watery oatmeal. I use 1 and a 1/4 c of old fashioned oats to 7 cups of water and cook it in the microwave. That gives me oatmeal for 5 days. Then each day I add 3 T of psyllium husk powder and a cup of water to 1 cup of already cooked oatmeal. I then heat this in the microwave. I add milk.
This is why I am giving you this recipe. The high fiber bulks up the stool and gives a person more control. It also increases regularity. If your son got to where he went to the bathroom at a set time every day he would have more control and feel more control.
When the situation is more acute for me I will note my bowel movements and the time on a calendar, so I would be more conscious. Honestly, there have been times when I had to wear a diaper to feel secure enough to leave the house.
I am an old woman. I have been very, very mobile in my life. This condition really stopped me in my tracks. I totally understand how overwhelming it must be for both of you. Finding some kind of mastery and order worked for me and I believe it could work for your son. There are also medications that can help him both in a biological sense and emotionally.
I would stress to him how many people deal with problems like this. I recognize encopresis is not IBS but in some ways the effects are similar.
It is not his fault, and you are not failing him. People deal with all kinds of things. This is life. Who knows? Having to deal with this as a youngster may give him the greatest compassion towards others and a great sensitivity.
