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Substance Abuse
end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 385368" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>Not talking to some one can be called ' passive agression ' and does nobody any good. As Nancy said the remorse and regret will come after he gets help , in any case apologies that don't come with change from the inside are just cheap words. Not talking will just reinforce any negative thoughts that your son has of you. The only tool you have is relationship and your ability for you and others to reach him. Your wife is trying to coonfront him , control him and enable him - that's not relationship , nor is not speaking </p><p></p><p>As a start I would invite him for a chat out of the home over a treat - no blaming , I am not mad at you etc just want to hear what's up , what bugs you , I just want to listen</p><p>Let him speak , don't try to answer , just try to get more input , more info , can you tell me more , all you want is for him to feel understood </p><p></p><p>You could try and direct the conversation towards his goals and his future , and ask how do you think what is happening will further his interests</p><p></p><p>In the home focus on general chatting , perspective taking , how he feels about something , how he thinks you feel about it </p><p></p><p>This is a start </p><p></p><p>I hope this helps</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 385368, member: 10"] Hi, Not talking to some one can be called ' passive agression ' and does nobody any good. As Nancy said the remorse and regret will come after he gets help , in any case apologies that don't come with change from the inside are just cheap words. Not talking will just reinforce any negative thoughts that your son has of you. The only tool you have is relationship and your ability for you and others to reach him. Your wife is trying to coonfront him , control him and enable him - that's not relationship , nor is not speaking As a start I would invite him for a chat out of the home over a treat - no blaming , I am not mad at you etc just want to hear what's up , what bugs you , I just want to listen Let him speak , don't try to answer , just try to get more input , more info , can you tell me more , all you want is for him to feel understood You could try and direct the conversation towards his goals and his future , and ask how do you think what is happening will further his interests In the home focus on general chatting , perspective taking , how he feels about something , how he thinks you feel about it This is a start I hope this helps Allan [/QUOTE]
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