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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 634755" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ugh. Welcome to our nightmare, as Alice Cooper said.</p><p></p><p>As much as you'd love to protect your grandparents, you can't. They have to decide never to let him back in and maybe take out a a restraining order on him. Same with mother in law. You too. Talking to him hasn't helped so far and why should it? If he badgers people enough, they seem to give him what he wants. As long as that happens, he will keep doing it.</p><p></p><p>My suggestion is to not answer his phone calls. He isn't calling to see how you are doing. He is calling to abuse you or get something out of you or to scare you. I had to do this to my son. Then I had to lay strong boundaries on our phone calls. I would only speak to him if he spoke to me with the same respect I gave him. He can't even raise his voice a little or I'll hang up (He's a "give me an inch and I'll take a mile" person so I have to be very strict and consistent). He calls me any name and I hang up and won't answer again for several days. He can't ask me for anything or bye-bye. He can't trash talk his siblings or relatives. It has been highly effective once he realized I meant it. It doesn't hurt that he lives two states away, but if he lived close to me, there would be more boundaries, including I call the police if he comes to my door before calling first and finding out if it's ok. And I'd make sure a strong man was with me if he came over since he can be physically intimidating. Maybe talk to grandparents about doing these things. They are elderly and should protect themselves. Your mother in law can be told the same. They have options. If they won't use them, you can't make them, but they do have recourse. mother in law should not answer phone or door. Same with grandparents. But if they choose to, what can you do?</p><p></p><p>Do go to a twelve step meeting and keep going. Get a therapist for yourself too. You can't help anyone except yourself...you can just throw ideas at them. Scolding your son is a waste of time. I wouldn't bother. </p><p></p><p>The first thing I'd do is get a restraining order against him so that he can't just show up at your house.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 634755, member: 1550"] Ugh. Welcome to our nightmare, as Alice Cooper said. As much as you'd love to protect your grandparents, you can't. They have to decide never to let him back in and maybe take out a a restraining order on him. Same with mother in law. You too. Talking to him hasn't helped so far and why should it? If he badgers people enough, they seem to give him what he wants. As long as that happens, he will keep doing it. My suggestion is to not answer his phone calls. He isn't calling to see how you are doing. He is calling to abuse you or get something out of you or to scare you. I had to do this to my son. Then I had to lay strong boundaries on our phone calls. I would only speak to him if he spoke to me with the same respect I gave him. He can't even raise his voice a little or I'll hang up (He's a "give me an inch and I'll take a mile" person so I have to be very strict and consistent). He calls me any name and I hang up and won't answer again for several days. He can't ask me for anything or bye-bye. He can't trash talk his siblings or relatives. It has been highly effective once he realized I meant it. It doesn't hurt that he lives two states away, but if he lived close to me, there would be more boundaries, including I call the police if he comes to my door before calling first and finding out if it's ok. And I'd make sure a strong man was with me if he came over since he can be physically intimidating. Maybe talk to grandparents about doing these things. They are elderly and should protect themselves. Your mother in law can be told the same. They have options. If they won't use them, you can't make them, but they do have recourse. mother in law should not answer phone or door. Same with grandparents. But if they choose to, what can you do? Do go to a twelve step meeting and keep going. Get a therapist for yourself too. You can't help anyone except yourself...you can just throw ideas at them. Scolding your son is a waste of time. I wouldn't bother. The first thing I'd do is get a restraining order against him so that he can't just show up at your house. [/QUOTE]
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