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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 634758" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Bennie, I am sorry. I get where you are. I had to tell my 25 year old son that if he comes to my house again unannounced and uninvited that I will call the police. </p><p></p><p>Within the past two weeks he came here and knocked on the door at 8:30 at night, having left the hospital AMA after he was stabbed. He looked in through the window at me, and cried. I did not open the door. I said if you don't leave I will call the police. When I went to the kitchen to get my phone, he finally left.</p><p></p><p>Today, I let calls go to voice mail. After helping him a lot over the past two and a half weeks, after he was stabbed, I am once again taking a giant step back. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday there was a call from an unknown phone number. I didn't answer it. No message was left. </p><p></p><p>I am doing nothing for a while to reach out or respond to him.</p><p></p><p>How do I do this? How do any of us do this? This thing, which sounds so very harsh and cold and unfeeling. We do it finally because we can't give any more. We are spent. We are tapped out. We are sick and tired. </p><p></p><p>I am still working not to be completely done with my son. Done is such a final word. It has a final feel. But there are many moments when I feel done, and when, honestly, I want to be done.</p><p></p><p>I hate this merry go round. I hate this up and down life where I am yoked to him by my love and our DNA connection. </p><p></p><p>I just want to walk in the other direction and keep on walking. That is the bare truth.</p><p></p><p>But I know this will likely pass, and I do love my son, and there is always hope, so for now, for the foreseeable future, I must have some space and time and distance. </p><p></p><p>And I will do whatever I have to do to achieve it, regardless of the emotional cost to myself, by not answering the phone, not responding to texts, not making plans to see him, and telling him quite clearly that I will call the police if he does not respect what I have said.</p><p></p><p>It's a sad and hard thing to do, Bennie, but we get to this awful point inch by inch by inch, over years and years of this....this....awfulness. </p><p></p><p>I can totally relate to your entire post, every word of it. My son will spoil any environment he is in, sooner or later. He will use people up until they don't want to see him coming. </p><p></p><p>He makes choices. And one day, when he runs out of people and places to use, he will have to come face to face with himself, I hope, and maybe, just maybe, that will be a good day for him.</p><p></p><p>I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. The Three Cs. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. Do what you have to do to find a place of peace in your life. That is truly all we can do, any of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 634758, member: 17542"] Oh Bennie, I am sorry. I get where you are. I had to tell my 25 year old son that if he comes to my house again unannounced and uninvited that I will call the police. Within the past two weeks he came here and knocked on the door at 8:30 at night, having left the hospital AMA after he was stabbed. He looked in through the window at me, and cried. I did not open the door. I said if you don't leave I will call the police. When I went to the kitchen to get my phone, he finally left. Today, I let calls go to voice mail. After helping him a lot over the past two and a half weeks, after he was stabbed, I am once again taking a giant step back. Yesterday there was a call from an unknown phone number. I didn't answer it. No message was left. I am doing nothing for a while to reach out or respond to him. How do I do this? How do any of us do this? This thing, which sounds so very harsh and cold and unfeeling. We do it finally because we can't give any more. We are spent. We are tapped out. We are sick and tired. I am still working not to be completely done with my son. Done is such a final word. It has a final feel. But there are many moments when I feel done, and when, honestly, I want to be done. I hate this merry go round. I hate this up and down life where I am yoked to him by my love and our DNA connection. I just want to walk in the other direction and keep on walking. That is the bare truth. But I know this will likely pass, and I do love my son, and there is always hope, so for now, for the foreseeable future, I must have some space and time and distance. And I will do whatever I have to do to achieve it, regardless of the emotional cost to myself, by not answering the phone, not responding to texts, not making plans to see him, and telling him quite clearly that I will call the police if he does not respect what I have said. It's a sad and hard thing to do, Bennie, but we get to this awful point inch by inch by inch, over years and years of this....this....awfulness. I can totally relate to your entire post, every word of it. My son will spoil any environment he is in, sooner or later. He will use people up until they don't want to see him coming. He makes choices. And one day, when he runs out of people and places to use, he will have to come face to face with himself, I hope, and maybe, just maybe, that will be a good day for him. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. The Three Cs. Warm hugs. Do what you have to do to find a place of peace in your life. That is truly all we can do, any of us. [/QUOTE]
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