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General Parenting
Exposure therapy for low frustration tolerance
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 484499" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>First your giving in to avoid the battle and then walking on egg shells to avoid the two hour battle did not in any way make your son the low frustration tolerance, difficult child kid he is. You only prevented more battles. We have tried both ways. Strict consistent rules, behavior contract charts, and on and on. Some kids just get frustrated and do not know how to manage it and explode. I believe this is a result of him not developing the proper mental skills required to manage the frustration, not your parenting skills. (this is like blaming a child's poor math skills on the type of paper you gave him. Just does not matter). Most kids (even the difficult child) would chose to behave if they knew how, they just did not learn it as easily as the average kid. When we were more strict it was just constant battle after battle. </p><p></p><p>What finally helped us was the book by Dr. Green , the Explosive Child. He stated that rewards and punishments only become something else to fight about. Rather he focuses on teaching the child how to manage the frustrations. When we learned how to reflect what our son was experiencing and learned how to articulate what his issues were for him he calmed down. He did not know how to manage his own frustrations. Things like he did not want his brother to touch his computer, but yet the wanted his brother to fix it. Both can't happen and until he learned to articulate what was bothering him he could not logically identify the issue, and could not resolve what he really wanted. Then he would just get frustrated and explode on something totally unrelated. </p><p></p><p>I do not believe his difficulties in managing his frustration came from your parenting style. (It is not that easy, you could always change your parenting. - You can't change him)</p><p></p><p>He does need to develop the skills to understand and then manage his skills. but I an not sure about the idea of "exposure therapy". Sounds like it could be equivalent to teaching someone to swim by dropping him into the deep end of a pool. And just as likely going to increase the problem by traumatizing him. I think there are enough frustrating situations in an average day you would not need to create artificial ones. We had a therapist who taught us how to guide him through the frustration episodes through a technique call "reflection".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 484499, member: 6557"] First your giving in to avoid the battle and then walking on egg shells to avoid the two hour battle did not in any way make your son the low frustration tolerance, difficult child kid he is. You only prevented more battles. We have tried both ways. Strict consistent rules, behavior contract charts, and on and on. Some kids just get frustrated and do not know how to manage it and explode. I believe this is a result of him not developing the proper mental skills required to manage the frustration, not your parenting skills. (this is like blaming a child's poor math skills on the type of paper you gave him. Just does not matter). Most kids (even the difficult child) would chose to behave if they knew how, they just did not learn it as easily as the average kid. When we were more strict it was just constant battle after battle. What finally helped us was the book by Dr. Green , the Explosive Child. He stated that rewards and punishments only become something else to fight about. Rather he focuses on teaching the child how to manage the frustrations. When we learned how to reflect what our son was experiencing and learned how to articulate what his issues were for him he calmed down. He did not know how to manage his own frustrations. Things like he did not want his brother to touch his computer, but yet the wanted his brother to fix it. Both can't happen and until he learned to articulate what was bothering him he could not logically identify the issue, and could not resolve what he really wanted. Then he would just get frustrated and explode on something totally unrelated. I do not believe his difficulties in managing his frustration came from your parenting style. (It is not that easy, you could always change your parenting. - You can't change him) He does need to develop the skills to understand and then manage his skills. but I an not sure about the idea of "exposure therapy". Sounds like it could be equivalent to teaching someone to swim by dropping him into the deep end of a pool. And just as likely going to increase the problem by traumatizing him. I think there are enough frustrating situations in an average day you would not need to create artificial ones. We had a therapist who taught us how to guide him through the frustration episodes through a technique call "reflection". [/QUOTE]
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