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Exposure therapy for low frustration tolerance
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 484549" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>Then you say, "You are angry because you did not get the bla bla bla that you wanted. This makes you frustrated, and you don't believe it is fair." </p><p></p><p>Child will say: "No. I wanted to bla bla bla and you made me miss it! I hate you!"</p><p></p><p>You calmly say, "You wanted to bla bla bla and you believe I made you miss it. This makes you very mad at me."</p><p></p><p>This goes back and forth, until you really state what is bugging him. It won't make it go away, but it will help him understand two things. 1) you are lessening to him and are understanding what his position is. 2) You will help him articulate what his frustration is. You will never get it correct the first time, but where he probably could not tell you what was bothering him, he will be very good at identifying that you were wrong. You will probably not agree with him very much. You want to state how he is feeling, or what his perspective is. Often this perspective is very one sided, and you will not agree with him. Use terms like, "you feel", "you believe", "you think".</p><p></p><p>Once you articulate his position you can try to present yours:</p><p></p><p>"I understand your frustration, but your father and I feel that school work is important...".</p><p></p><p>Reflect his answer to you:</p><p></p><p>"You disagree and think you should get some TV time first."</p><p></p><p></p><p>This type of approach is hardwork and difficult to learn but is what seemed to work the best for my difficult child.</p><p></p><p>MY difficult child would tend to explode whenever things happened differently from what he expected. We found that heading off perceived unfair things helped. "When we get home this evening, your favorite show will not be on because of the presidents speech." Letting him know about it in advanced helped. He also would get mad if he thought something was not fair, and frequently his perception would be totally lopsided. "You let easy child have a cookie and you did not let me have one." When difficult child ate all of what was left of the pie. He could not connect that where he had 800 calories of desert, that easy child only had 200 calories. He would only see that easy child got the cookie and he did not. Again if we could catch him before the desert and explain it out he would develop the expectation that they both get something different. If we did not imagine it would be an issue reflecting after would help some. Other times walking a way from the explosion was required.</p><p></p><p>And at all times keep the voice calm. Which sometimes is completely impossible.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 484549, member: 6557"] Then you say, "You are angry because you did not get the bla bla bla that you wanted. This makes you frustrated, and you don't believe it is fair." Child will say: "No. I wanted to bla bla bla and you made me miss it! I hate you!" You calmly say, "You wanted to bla bla bla and you believe I made you miss it. This makes you very mad at me." This goes back and forth, until you really state what is bugging him. It won't make it go away, but it will help him understand two things. 1) you are lessening to him and are understanding what his position is. 2) You will help him articulate what his frustration is. You will never get it correct the first time, but where he probably could not tell you what was bothering him, he will be very good at identifying that you were wrong. You will probably not agree with him very much. You want to state how he is feeling, or what his perspective is. Often this perspective is very one sided, and you will not agree with him. Use terms like, "you feel", "you believe", "you think". Once you articulate his position you can try to present yours: "I understand your frustration, but your father and I feel that school work is important...". Reflect his answer to you: "You disagree and think you should get some TV time first." This type of approach is hardwork and difficult to learn but is what seemed to work the best for my difficult child. MY difficult child would tend to explode whenever things happened differently from what he expected. We found that heading off perceived unfair things helped. "When we get home this evening, your favorite show will not be on because of the presidents speech." Letting him know about it in advanced helped. He also would get mad if he thought something was not fair, and frequently his perception would be totally lopsided. "You let easy child have a cookie and you did not let me have one." When difficult child ate all of what was left of the pie. He could not connect that where he had 800 calories of desert, that easy child only had 200 calories. He would only see that easy child got the cookie and he did not. Again if we could catch him before the desert and explain it out he would develop the expectation that they both get something different. If we did not imagine it would be an issue reflecting after would help some. Other times walking a way from the explosion was required. And at all times keep the voice calm. Which sometimes is completely impossible. [/QUOTE]
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