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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 643490" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks to both of you. Yes, you are both right.</p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I was just thinking, after I posted and was making coffee, that if I totally back out, they will never have a reason to talk about me again. What then will they discuss? I don't care.</p><p></p><p>I called my father to tell him to stop telling them to call me. He does that and I think it just makes them both rebellious. I told him it is no use and I would not talk to them anyway and to accept that his kids will never get along. My kids don't all get along either. So what? That is up to us, not him.My Dad was close to his siblings, but not us, his kids. I'd rather be close to my husband and kids than to my siblings, if I have to make a choice. But sibling relationships seem to mean more to my father than the relationships we have with our immediate family. Heck, he cared more about his mom, dad, sis and bro than all of us put together when we were growing up. So that's why he keeps harping on it.</p><p></p><p>Suzir, I am hereafter going to respect their boundaries and stop wondering why they did them. You were 100% right. I should not go where I am clearly not wanted. That is a valid point!</p><p></p><p>However, when my sister tries to contact me again, as she always does, I am not going to receive it. I have always forgiven her in the past no matter how many times she has blocked me or called the police on me or lied about me and perhaps she thinks I have done the same to her. The point is, we are toxic to one another and should not be in touch in any way.</p><p></p><p>As for my brother, although it is way too late to tell my father, who really wants me and my brother, who he thinks is a Saint, to be "friends." Odd word for siblings. But when I planned his 85th birthday party and we suddenly had a housing crisis and could not go to Chicago, although all of my kids would have been there, and my sister and brother too...the party was canceled and I was blamed and he was so mad he wouldn't speak to me for a month and I had to grovel to get THAT. He apparently said HORRIBLE things about me to said brother and shortly after brother sent long, long rambling hate letter to me about how I don't love Dad. As soon as I saw the first line, I gave it to my husband, who is well aware of my faamily dynamics, and told him to read it and asked him if I should read it or not. He crumbled it up and said, "Just more of them being crazy. Your brother never had to move in his life, never had a family, he doesn't get it. Forget it. It's not you. It's him." I have a great hubby. But since the 85th birthday deal, in which the party was called off strictly because Tom and I could not go, Dad spouted off about how terrible I am and it stucfk with my brother. He would never talk to me after that. It caused a lot of problems.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line: If you care passionately about your children being "friends" then don't spout off hatefully about one child to another. It is now what it is.</p><p></p><p>I feel better now that I typed this out and read your response and Suzirs. Both of you are right. I can't change what they think and I should let them go because at this point in time they clearly want me to.</p><p></p><p>However, I am very firm in my resolve to never let them back in, especially Sister, because she has done this at least ten times and the games are over.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again to both of you. You are both so smart in different ways and I feel the diversity of opinions is very helpful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 643490, member: 1550"] Thanks to both of you. Yes, you are both right. Thank you. Cedar, I was just thinking, after I posted and was making coffee, that if I totally back out, they will never have a reason to talk about me again. What then will they discuss? I don't care. I called my father to tell him to stop telling them to call me. He does that and I think it just makes them both rebellious. I told him it is no use and I would not talk to them anyway and to accept that his kids will never get along. My kids don't all get along either. So what? That is up to us, not him.My Dad was close to his siblings, but not us, his kids. I'd rather be close to my husband and kids than to my siblings, if I have to make a choice. But sibling relationships seem to mean more to my father than the relationships we have with our immediate family. Heck, he cared more about his mom, dad, sis and bro than all of us put together when we were growing up. So that's why he keeps harping on it. Suzir, I am hereafter going to respect their boundaries and stop wondering why they did them. You were 100% right. I should not go where I am clearly not wanted. That is a valid point! However, when my sister tries to contact me again, as she always does, I am not going to receive it. I have always forgiven her in the past no matter how many times she has blocked me or called the police on me or lied about me and perhaps she thinks I have done the same to her. The point is, we are toxic to one another and should not be in touch in any way. As for my brother, although it is way too late to tell my father, who really wants me and my brother, who he thinks is a Saint, to be "friends." Odd word for siblings. But when I planned his 85th birthday party and we suddenly had a housing crisis and could not go to Chicago, although all of my kids would have been there, and my sister and brother too...the party was canceled and I was blamed and he was so mad he wouldn't speak to me for a month and I had to grovel to get THAT. He apparently said HORRIBLE things about me to said brother and shortly after brother sent long, long rambling hate letter to me about how I don't love Dad. As soon as I saw the first line, I gave it to my husband, who is well aware of my faamily dynamics, and told him to read it and asked him if I should read it or not. He crumbled it up and said, "Just more of them being crazy. Your brother never had to move in his life, never had a family, he doesn't get it. Forget it. It's not you. It's him." I have a great hubby. But since the 85th birthday deal, in which the party was called off strictly because Tom and I could not go, Dad spouted off about how terrible I am and it stucfk with my brother. He would never talk to me after that. It caused a lot of problems. Bottom line: If you care passionately about your children being "friends" then don't spout off hatefully about one child to another. It is now what it is. I feel better now that I typed this out and read your response and Suzirs. Both of you are right. I can't change what they think and I should let them go because at this point in time they clearly want me to. However, I am very firm in my resolve to never let them back in, especially Sister, because she has done this at least ten times and the games are over. Thanks again to both of you. You are both so smart in different ways and I feel the diversity of opinions is very helpful. [/QUOTE]
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