Fall Follies with difficult child

[trinityroyal]

Well it's that time again.

Right on schedule, practically to the day, difficult child is sliding off the rails again.
Dysthemia, rapid-cycling, grandiosity bordering on megalomania...

Happens every fall, right after the clocks turn back and we lose a couple of hours of daylight. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) won't implement light-box therapy because one of the other residents in difficult child's unit has a severe psychotic reaction to it. Great.

His 1:1 staff called yesterday. Apparently difficult child decided to "help" with his medications, barged into the staff room, upended several bottles and spilled stuff everywhere. Given that difficult child is on about 20 different things, this just doesn't help matters.

difficult child was on the phone to husband several times yesterday. Raging, ranting, whining, telling big fish stories, and just generally burning up his phone privileges with nothing. Got to the point where husband forbade difficult child to have any visits with the babies for the foreseeable future, because his behaviour is so inappropriate.

Honestly, THIS is the blessing in all of this. husband was in such denial about difficult child's problems when Little easy child was a tiny tot that he didn't intercede nearly as much as he should have. And that was back when difficult child was still at home. Little easy child is still suffering the aftershocks, so I'm glad to see that husband has come on board with the new little ones.

None of this is all that serious, and we've been through way worse with difficult child. I just hate being around him when he's like this. It's too close to home, too much of a reminder of the bad old days. And he's just insufferable. For now, I'm not taking his calls. Just don't want to. Is that wrong?

Sigh...

Trinity

 

[hearts and roses]

I will sigh along with you....sigh....my difficult child too, I will post in my own thread about her.

Sending hugs, it stinks.

 

[Suz]

Trinity, it is not wrong to circle the wagons around yourself and the family living at home. As difficult as it is, difficult child isn't making his life any easier and you have little ones you need to be strong for and to protect. difficult child is in a safe place, is supervised, and has immediate help there if needed. You do what you have to do. I'm so glad to hear that husband is on board now.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Star*]

Not taking the calls are growing pains on both your parts. YOU are putting up your hands and saying "No more, here's my line in the sand, this is what is happens end of conversation." HE is learning "If I do X then X happens, I don't like it at all and it's out of my comfort zone."

Thing is - for the next phase of this "Game?" They spend it trying to figure out how to get you TO the phone instead of learning that lesson "If I do X then X happens." THAT's the B of it all. If they just didn't try to alter the maze and instead said - OH when the rat runs THAT way it hits a dead end - they'd be better off. Nope, instead OUR kids look at the maze and think - Well hahaha I'll just cut a hole in this little wall right here and viola - rat back in business....outsmarted you ALL.

It's so tiring. It's amazing I like rats at all.

Hugs -

 

[trinityroyal]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes I just have to check in to make sure that I'm not being overly hard nosed. I usually fall into the role of the "tough" one, but sometimes I wonder if I'm being too tough.

Nope, instead OUR kids look at the maze and think - Well hahaha I'll just cut a hole in this little wall right here and viola - rat back in business....outsmarted you ALL.

It's so tiring. It's amazing I like rats at all.

Hugs -

Star, thanks for this thought. You're so right. And worse, how often do we fall for it when we find the rat back through the maze and we just say, "Hi difficult child, how's it going?" as if nothing's wrong.

I fell headlong into that myself last night.

husband was being so firm with difficult child earlier that I let my guard down. difficult child phoned about 9 or 10 times yesterday, and husband took all the calls. At one point, husband put difficult child on speakerphone...I thought he just wanted to say good night to the babies, which he often does, but no...all of a sudden it's "Hi Mom. I love you. Blah blah blah..."

I don't appreciate that husband undermined my position that way, but I also didn't stand up for myself by refusing to participate in the conversation. How do they manage to draw us in, every time?

 

[Fran]

They draw us in because in the end, we love them. I'm sorry to hear he is falling apart.