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Family Dispute MI child update
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743873" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is beside the point. The damage was the point. Of course the mother was upset. She was probably hugely embarrassed on multiple counts. She was probably pissed on some level she was called on it. She was irresponsible. Knowing her child was destructive, she did not monitor him. She was called on it, because this was the only responsible thing to do.</p><p></p><p>Nomad. I am unclear why you are upset. You handled this beautifully. Do you want to change the plans for the upcoming gathering? This is completely your right to do. People change course all of the time. You are not obligated. It feels like you feel you are walking the plank. Why go ahead with this if you feel this way? You have a right to take actions (or not) consistent with how you feel.</p><p></p><p>Do I remember correctly that you have a history of abuse (I do)? The question to be asked, is this. If you feel that there is a likelihood that this child (or anybody) will cause harm to your things, to you, to your loved ones, are you obligated to engage with them or are you obligated to set a boundary to protect yourself?</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you need to take this conversation further. First with yourself, to hear yourself and your needs, and second with your family to put in place a plan that addresses your needs and concerns.</p><p></p><p>As far as your grandson's safety, his parents are responsible for that. But then, if you host an event at your home, where you are inviting people who may hurt others, then you could feel that you are in a sense colluding.</p><p></p><p>If you look at it this way, both your grandson, and you (and indirectly your husband and son, who will be called upon to spend happy time, enforcing security) are being compromised.</p><p></p><p>You are a highly responsible person and a thinking person. It is hard to walk stuff like this back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743873, member: 18958"] This is beside the point. The damage was the point. Of course the mother was upset. She was probably hugely embarrassed on multiple counts. She was probably pissed on some level she was called on it. She was irresponsible. Knowing her child was destructive, she did not monitor him. She was called on it, because this was the only responsible thing to do. Nomad. I am unclear why you are upset. You handled this beautifully. Do you want to change the plans for the upcoming gathering? This is completely your right to do. People change course all of the time. You are not obligated. It feels like you feel you are walking the plank. Why go ahead with this if you feel this way? You have a right to take actions (or not) consistent with how you feel. Do I remember correctly that you have a history of abuse (I do)? The question to be asked, is this. If you feel that there is a likelihood that this child (or anybody) will cause harm to your things, to you, to your loved ones, are you obligated to engage with them or are you obligated to set a boundary to protect yourself? It sounds like you need to take this conversation further. First with yourself, to hear yourself and your needs, and second with your family to put in place a plan that addresses your needs and concerns. As far as your grandson's safety, his parents are responsible for that. But then, if you host an event at your home, where you are inviting people who may hurt others, then you could feel that you are in a sense colluding. If you look at it this way, both your grandson, and you (and indirectly your husband and son, who will be called upon to spend happy time, enforcing security) are being compromised. You are a highly responsible person and a thinking person. It is hard to walk stuff like this back. [/QUOTE]
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