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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 662736" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I believe it is exactly what it sounds like. They don't drink, but are as unpredictable and crazy as if t hey do so, yes, they do night raids (which I recall as really scaring me out of a sound sleep to scream at me over something I thought we'd resolved weeks ago).</p><p></p><p>Of course, Dry Drunks never resolve anything. It festers inside of them and if THEY are bothered about some mishap even at 3am in the morning and a month after it happened, then YOU are darn well going to join the party and be bothered by it as well. Dry Drunk will make sure of that. Nobody likes to dry drink alone, y'know?</p><p></p><p>But we can't blame alcohol. This is who they are and were.</p><p></p><p>In my case it could b e as insignificant as she believed I'd dated a non-Jewish boy last month. For those who are new, this was against our rules, although I did break that rule, but not until after I realized that she wouldn't believe the boys were Jewish even if they did the hora in front of her...if they had blond hair. But if she suspected that Ezra Applebaum was a non-Jew because he had blond hair, a month later she may have done a night raid to scream at me about it. (She never gave me a good reason why I had to only date Jewish boys either, by the way).</p><p></p><p>Now this is a mother who didn't care if I combed my hair or brushed my teeth, who had no rules or boundaries (she was the major caregiver), who did not clean and was a horrible, quick-as-you-like-it cook, who never gave us life skills for adulthood and who did not even blink if I dropped a FLUNKING report card on the table for her to read. She didn't mention those things.</p><p></p><p>What she cared about:</p><p></p><p>1/dating Jewish boys only and they'd better have dark hair</p><p>2/Never cutting my hair because boys only liked long hair and, above all else, a girl didn't have to be smart, she just had to be beautiful (her words. You can't make this stuff up)</p><p>3/I did not own a Barbie doll (she thought they were ugly so I couldn't have one), a Chatty Cathy doll (same reason) or a Thumalena doll, my dream doll (same reason). I could only own toys she approved of, even if I didn't like them.</p><p>4/I had to dress in sewn clothing that were the style SHE liked, not trendy. You can imagine how much I got bullied at school. For all those reasons.</p><p></p><p>My famly was not poor. But they played it on TV and I had to play it in the wealthy Chicago suburb we grew up in and, boy, DID I GET TEASED for looking like a peasant. That may have worked somewhere else, but not where we lived and I was definitely punished because Mom didn't want me to "be like everyone else." Trust me, I wasn't.</p><p></p><p>Nor was she. Or anyone in my FOO. My sister was good at faking it. I couldn't. Too bad for me, huh?</p><p></p><p></p><p>I can not think of anything else about me that mattered to her. She didn't say she loved me very often, obviously because she didn't. She wouldn't hold me because it was MY fault...I wasn't cuddly so she, as the adult, would not try. She did not stop me from misbaving. She did not teach me, and I am neurologically different, manners, appropriate social skills, appropriate behavior, or anything necessary for a transition to adult life. She also liked to call me things like lazy, bad, disturbed, bratty, etc. It was a lovely childhood...lol.</p><p></p><p>Dry drunk.</p><p></p><p>I call my FOO The Loonybin.</p><p></p><p>Nobody was normal, but Mom ruled the roost and my brother could do no wrong, my sister was ignored and deeply disturbed in many ways even now because of that, and me and my dad were the scapegoats, the wrongness of the entire crazy family was due to us. I got it the worst. My dad was an adult and could and did leave the house. As soon as I learned how to drive, I wasn't around much either.</p><p></p><p>I'm thinking of opening a very different type of establishment in honor of my FOO called:</p><p></p><p>The Loonybin Saloon Where You Don't Have to Drink to Get Drunk!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 662736, member: 1550"] I believe it is exactly what it sounds like. They don't drink, but are as unpredictable and crazy as if t hey do so, yes, they do night raids (which I recall as really scaring me out of a sound sleep to scream at me over something I thought we'd resolved weeks ago). Of course, Dry Drunks never resolve anything. It festers inside of them and if THEY are bothered about some mishap even at 3am in the morning and a month after it happened, then YOU are darn well going to join the party and be bothered by it as well. Dry Drunk will make sure of that. Nobody likes to dry drink alone, y'know? But we can't blame alcohol. This is who they are and were. In my case it could b e as insignificant as she believed I'd dated a non-Jewish boy last month. For those who are new, this was against our rules, although I did break that rule, but not until after I realized that she wouldn't believe the boys were Jewish even if they did the hora in front of her...if they had blond hair. But if she suspected that Ezra Applebaum was a non-Jew because he had blond hair, a month later she may have done a night raid to scream at me about it. (She never gave me a good reason why I had to only date Jewish boys either, by the way). Now this is a mother who didn't care if I combed my hair or brushed my teeth, who had no rules or boundaries (she was the major caregiver), who did not clean and was a horrible, quick-as-you-like-it cook, who never gave us life skills for adulthood and who did not even blink if I dropped a FLUNKING report card on the table for her to read. She didn't mention those things. What she cared about: 1/dating Jewish boys only and they'd better have dark hair 2/Never cutting my hair because boys only liked long hair and, above all else, a girl didn't have to be smart, she just had to be beautiful (her words. You can't make this stuff up) 3/I did not own a Barbie doll (she thought they were ugly so I couldn't have one), a Chatty Cathy doll (same reason) or a Thumalena doll, my dream doll (same reason). I could only own toys she approved of, even if I didn't like them. 4/I had to dress in sewn clothing that were the style SHE liked, not trendy. You can imagine how much I got bullied at school. For all those reasons. My famly was not poor. But they played it on TV and I had to play it in the wealthy Chicago suburb we grew up in and, boy, DID I GET TEASED for looking like a peasant. That may have worked somewhere else, but not where we lived and I was definitely punished because Mom didn't want me to "be like everyone else." Trust me, I wasn't. Nor was she. Or anyone in my FOO. My sister was good at faking it. I couldn't. Too bad for me, huh? I can not think of anything else about me that mattered to her. She didn't say she loved me very often, obviously because she didn't. She wouldn't hold me because it was MY fault...I wasn't cuddly so she, as the adult, would not try. She did not stop me from misbaving. She did not teach me, and I am neurologically different, manners, appropriate social skills, appropriate behavior, or anything necessary for a transition to adult life. She also liked to call me things like lazy, bad, disturbed, bratty, etc. It was a lovely childhood...lol. Dry drunk. I call my FOO The Loonybin. Nobody was normal, but Mom ruled the roost and my brother could do no wrong, my sister was ignored and deeply disturbed in many ways even now because of that, and me and my dad were the scapegoats, the wrongness of the entire crazy family was due to us. I got it the worst. My dad was an adult and could and did leave the house. As soon as I learned how to drive, I wasn't around much either. I'm thinking of opening a very different type of establishment in honor of my FOO called: The Loonybin Saloon Where You Don't Have to Drink to Get Drunk!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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