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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664359" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Cedar, she did what she did in control. This was an act to establish control through terrorism. Google the definition. I will when I leave this post.</p><p></p><p>Terrorism (I think) is doing something to inspire fear and horror in those who watch. Murder, for example, just kills off the victim. (Just??) To force others to witness a murder, is terror. That is what your mother did. </p><p></p><p>Imagine the viciousness? I am thinking now of Barbarians, of Huns, of the worst crimes, like boiling a living person in water. That is what your mother did. To her children. </p><p></p><p>Who even knows who was her principle victim? Was it your brother or was it you, the witness.</p><p></p><p>I know you love her Cedar, but think about who she is. Honestly, I can understand why you do not tell D H. Because that would take away your range of options about reconciliation or not, with your Mother. </p><p></p><p>Honestly, I do not see how you cannot tell him. How you can keep this from him. Or if you should, Cedar. This may have been the most defining, or among them, moment of your life. Trust him, Cedar, and yourself. </p><p></p><p>Or do you think he will go kill her right now? Is this what we are talking, here???? OMG. This is getting more and more delicious as we speak. I may even have to get out of my bed to go and do something vicious. (Excuse me, I have to choose among potential victims.)</p><p>Right now, I am thinking about HIT MAN as my designated career option. No wonder that vocational counselor of long ago was so appalled at my designated career choice. </p><p></p><p>But, seriously, I am with D H. All of the potential for happiness in each of us...spent in sadness, in isolation, in passivity and self-doubt. That is the regret.</p><p>How can I accept that what was there was everything there will be? How to accept that? </p><p></p><p>Of course I know that my self-destruction will not change it...but all I have of her is what is left in this conversation I am having inside of me. As if to say, "Mama, I will destroy myself and all I have left of life...to have another chance. Isn't that what you wanted. Please come back to me. Give me another chance, Mommy. Please."</p><p></p><p>Only crying here. It has not worked. Yet.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664359, member: 18958"] Cedar, she did what she did in control. This was an act to establish control through terrorism. Google the definition. I will when I leave this post. Terrorism (I think) is doing something to inspire fear and horror in those who watch. Murder, for example, just kills off the victim. (Just??) To force others to witness a murder, is terror. That is what your mother did. Imagine the viciousness? I am thinking now of Barbarians, of Huns, of the worst crimes, like boiling a living person in water. That is what your mother did. To her children. Who even knows who was her principle victim? Was it your brother or was it you, the witness. I know you love her Cedar, but think about who she is. Honestly, I can understand why you do not tell D H. Because that would take away your range of options about reconciliation or not, with your Mother. Honestly, I do not see how you cannot tell him. How you can keep this from him. Or if you should, Cedar. This may have been the most defining, or among them, moment of your life. Trust him, Cedar, and yourself. Or do you think he will go kill her right now? Is this what we are talking, here???? OMG. This is getting more and more delicious as we speak. I may even have to get out of my bed to go and do something vicious. (Excuse me, I have to choose among potential victims.) Right now, I am thinking about HIT MAN as my designated career option. No wonder that vocational counselor of long ago was so appalled at my designated career choice. But, seriously, I am with D H. All of the potential for happiness in each of us...spent in sadness, in isolation, in passivity and self-doubt. That is the regret. How can I accept that what was there was everything there will be? How to accept that? Of course I know that my self-destruction will not change it...but all I have of her is what is left in this conversation I am having inside of me. As if to say, "Mama, I will destroy myself and all I have left of life...to have another chance. Isn't that what you wanted. Please come back to me. Give me another chance, Mommy. Please." Only crying here. It has not worked. Yet. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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