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Family of Origin
Family of Origin issues / Parenting
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 619040" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>It's too bad you believed your mothers mean spirited, ugly, jealous and destructive words Cedar. </p><p></p><p>My parents and siblings did not directly interfere in my parenting. Unfortunately though, the damage that I experienced to my own self esteem and well being was passed on to my daughter through my own lack of healthy parenting skill. The short version of that is that my parents were extremely punitive and I was extremely liberal, my parents gave me responsibilities far beyond my age abilities, I gave my daughter very little responsibility, my parents scared me, I never acted in scary ways but rather did not confront the issues that were developing with my daughter in a healthy way.</p><p></p><p>For me, I turned away from what I knew to be abuse and acted in the only way I knew at the time, to do the opposite, to try to be loving and kind, which in the big picture was a lot of enabling and turning away from issues I didn't understand and know how to deal with. I really cannot pass on the responsibility for my parenting to my parents or anyone else, I made all the choices I made out of my own ignorance and fear. I too believed myself to be unworthy and somehow inherently "wrong" which no matter what I did, got passed on to my daughter. </p><p></p><p>I am comfortable now with what happened. They did what they did because of their own upbringing and their own ignorance and fear. I can see that pretty clearly. I am no longer angry or sad or anything in regards to them, I feel compassion for them and for myself, that we were all wounded and we all acted in certain ways that harmed others. We made mistakes. I made mistakes. The difference is that I made every attempt to correct mine and make it right. When I realized that healing myself and making amends with my daughter was all I could do, the rest of that journey became my daughters. At this point in time, I feel free of my parents and free of my daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 619040, member: 13542"] It's too bad you believed your mothers mean spirited, ugly, jealous and destructive words Cedar. My parents and siblings did not directly interfere in my parenting. Unfortunately though, the damage that I experienced to my own self esteem and well being was passed on to my daughter through my own lack of healthy parenting skill. The short version of that is that my parents were extremely punitive and I was extremely liberal, my parents gave me responsibilities far beyond my age abilities, I gave my daughter very little responsibility, my parents scared me, I never acted in scary ways but rather did not confront the issues that were developing with my daughter in a healthy way. For me, I turned away from what I knew to be abuse and acted in the only way I knew at the time, to do the opposite, to try to be loving and kind, which in the big picture was a lot of enabling and turning away from issues I didn't understand and know how to deal with. I really cannot pass on the responsibility for my parenting to my parents or anyone else, I made all the choices I made out of my own ignorance and fear. I too believed myself to be unworthy and somehow inherently "wrong" which no matter what I did, got passed on to my daughter. I am comfortable now with what happened. They did what they did because of their own upbringing and their own ignorance and fear. I can see that pretty clearly. I am no longer angry or sad or anything in regards to them, I feel compassion for them and for myself, that we were all wounded and we all acted in certain ways that harmed others. We made mistakes. I made mistakes. The difference is that I made every attempt to correct mine and make it right. When I realized that healing myself and making amends with my daughter was all I could do, the rest of that journey became my daughters. At this point in time, I feel free of my parents and free of my daughter. [/QUOTE]
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