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Family Reunion From Hell
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661583" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think what Echo is trying to tell us is this: We are in an impossible situation. The love is bottomless. The sense of responsibility is limitless. The connection is clear, true and strong. Too strong.</p><p></p><p>To survive this and to give our kids a chance we have to interrupt that connection a little bit, so that our responses to their pain are not as automatic as they once were.</p><p>Everybody got on the same page at the family reunion *except Lil and Jabber. Which is my problem with this.</p><p></p><p>But others seem to be more sanguine about the exclusion, that the siblings felt uncomfortable involving you and Jabber about something so delicate and painful. As your son.</p><p> The explanation is this: You acted in a way that scared everybody. This is the consequence. End of story.</p><p></p><p>This does not justify the poor choices of others. But the responsible person is your son, because he betrayed his grandparents by his behavior. And he suffered the consequences.</p><p></p><p>Whether others betrayed each other or not, does not change this fundamental truth.</p><p>I am almost as perplexed as you are.</p><p></p><p>I talk to a Psychiatrist every two weeks on the phone. I told him about my son. How when my son is in distress I collapse, I go to bed. I cannot take it. As if there is a direct tube between my son's psyche and my own.</p><p></p><p>His reply? You're a mother.</p><p></p><p>This is the same psychiatrist that has been trying to get me to accept that I did not cause it, I can't cure it, or control it.</p><p></p><p>The closest I can come to understanding is to try to develop some mediators between my reaction to my son's distress so as to not react....but rather respond.</p><p></p><p>To have my interactions with my son be guided by conscious and deliberate thought and planning, rather than mother emotion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661583, member: 18958"] I think what Echo is trying to tell us is this: We are in an impossible situation. The love is bottomless. The sense of responsibility is limitless. The connection is clear, true and strong. Too strong. To survive this and to give our kids a chance we have to interrupt that connection a little bit, so that our responses to their pain are not as automatic as they once were. Everybody got on the same page at the family reunion *except Lil and Jabber. Which is my problem with this. But others seem to be more sanguine about the exclusion, that the siblings felt uncomfortable involving you and Jabber about something so delicate and painful. As your son. The explanation is this: You acted in a way that scared everybody. This is the consequence. End of story. This does not justify the poor choices of others. But the responsible person is your son, because he betrayed his grandparents by his behavior. And he suffered the consequences. Whether others betrayed each other or not, does not change this fundamental truth. I am almost as perplexed as you are. I talk to a Psychiatrist every two weeks on the phone. I told him about my son. How when my son is in distress I collapse, I go to bed. I cannot take it. As if there is a direct tube between my son's psyche and my own. His reply? You're a mother. This is the same psychiatrist that has been trying to get me to accept that I did not cause it, I can't cure it, or control it. The closest I can come to understanding is to try to develop some mediators between my reaction to my son's distress so as to not react....but rather respond. To have my interactions with my son be guided by conscious and deliberate thought and planning, rather than mother emotion. [/QUOTE]
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