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Substance Abuse
Feel like there is more than addiction
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743688" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I did this when I was young. (Embarrassing, yes.) I would call and call this guy's number repeatedly. I thought that he would not know. But I was wrong. He told me somebody was calling his apartment repeatedly. I did not volunteer it was me. I was not even that in to him. I felt anxious and desperate and out of control. I felt destabilized by the relationship and like I did not have power. I felt my own stability in relation to what he did or did not do.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your son is using relationships and other things external to him in order to feel stabilized. You should expect this kind of behavior from him until he makes a decision to face himself and his problems on their own terms.</p><p></p><p>Somebody told me not long ago that my son was my drug. That I was addicted to him. To worrying about him, etc. To results that I had no control over that were in him, and that he alone could control. That was true.</p><p></p><p>Right now you are feeling the effects of your son's behaviors. Until you center yourself in you, you will continue to feel as I did: desperate, out of control, helpless. And your son will feel his own power as his power over you: To make you feel helpless. To extract things from you. To get you to feel out of control...He is dominating you. He may not be conscious of it. But for your own health and well-being, I believe you would be helped if you begin to experience what is happening to you, as problematic, over and above what your son does or not do.</p><p></p><p>He will do what he will do and NOT ONE THING MORE.</p><p></p><p>What can you do for yourself, to regain control over your life, independent of him? This is what will surely benefit you and it may well benefit him too. I know how hard this is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743688, member: 18958"] I did this when I was young. (Embarrassing, yes.) I would call and call this guy's number repeatedly. I thought that he would not know. But I was wrong. He told me somebody was calling his apartment repeatedly. I did not volunteer it was me. I was not even that in to him. I felt anxious and desperate and out of control. I felt destabilized by the relationship and like I did not have power. I felt my own stability in relation to what he did or did not do. It sounds like your son is using relationships and other things external to him in order to feel stabilized. You should expect this kind of behavior from him until he makes a decision to face himself and his problems on their own terms. Somebody told me not long ago that my son was my drug. That I was addicted to him. To worrying about him, etc. To results that I had no control over that were in him, and that he alone could control. That was true. Right now you are feeling the effects of your son's behaviors. Until you center yourself in you, you will continue to feel as I did: desperate, out of control, helpless. And your son will feel his own power as his power over you: To make you feel helpless. To extract things from you. To get you to feel out of control...He is dominating you. He may not be conscious of it. But for your own health and well-being, I believe you would be helped if you begin to experience what is happening to you, as problematic, over and above what your son does or not do. He will do what he will do and NOT ONE THING MORE. What can you do for yourself, to regain control over your life, independent of him? This is what will surely benefit you and it may well benefit him too. I know how hard this is. [/QUOTE]
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