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Substance Abuse
Feel like there is more than addiction
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 744063" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Trying, I think you are selling yourself short. You have survived this far. It sounds like things have been difficult for a long time. But here you are, still trying. That is strength. </p><p></p><p>I don’t like confrontation either. And I also struggle with guilt over the past and sometimes feel the need to ‘make up for’ their dad’s past actions. It’s counterproductive, I’ve learned that, but I get the urge. </p><p></p><p>On the medical bills: why are these yours? Are you automatically on the hook for them because he’s still on your insurance, even though he is an adult? Or is he considered to be financially responsible for his own medical bills? Did you sign something that obligated you for these charges? I would not pay anything you are not legally obligated to or that doesn’t impact your own credit rating. I know we want to help save them from their own mistakes - avoid losing the apartment, protect their credit, keep the car from being repossessed - but it’s a losing battle. And it does not help them learn. I would let go of feeling responsible for anything you are not legally obligated to do or pay. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry he has relapsed again. The bottom line is sobriety has to be something he wants. He has to want it enough to do whatever it takes, regardless of the insurance or financial situation. If he wanted it badly enough, he would do sober living if that’s what it took. Mine won’t do sober living either. It’s hard. I’ve had to let go of constant worry over things I can’t control. </p><p></p><p>Please be easy on yourself. Don’t keep telling yourself you can’t be strong. That’s not true. You’re here. You’re trying. You’re strong. And you’re not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 744063, member: 23349"] Trying, I think you are selling yourself short. You have survived this far. It sounds like things have been difficult for a long time. But here you are, still trying. That is strength. I don’t like confrontation either. And I also struggle with guilt over the past and sometimes feel the need to ‘make up for’ their dad’s past actions. It’s counterproductive, I’ve learned that, but I get the urge. On the medical bills: why are these yours? Are you automatically on the hook for them because he’s still on your insurance, even though he is an adult? Or is he considered to be financially responsible for his own medical bills? Did you sign something that obligated you for these charges? I would not pay anything you are not legally obligated to or that doesn’t impact your own credit rating. I know we want to help save them from their own mistakes - avoid losing the apartment, protect their credit, keep the car from being repossessed - but it’s a losing battle. And it does not help them learn. I would let go of feeling responsible for anything you are not legally obligated to do or pay. I am sorry he has relapsed again. The bottom line is sobriety has to be something he wants. He has to want it enough to do whatever it takes, regardless of the insurance or financial situation. If he wanted it badly enough, he would do sober living if that’s what it took. Mine won’t do sober living either. It’s hard. I’ve had to let go of constant worry over things I can’t control. Please be easy on yourself. Don’t keep telling yourself you can’t be strong. That’s not true. You’re here. You’re trying. You’re strong. And you’re not alone. [/QUOTE]
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Feel like there is more than addiction
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