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Feeling but know it needed to be done
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 611250" data-attributes="member: 455"><p>Annie, I did therapy and right now with the kids it's in home therapy as a family. I could not take on additional therapy as I can barely make my medical appointments with my health. Remember, I can't really walk. It's excruciatingly painful. To go sit somewhere extended times and wait for them to call me in for doctor is also painful (when they are backed up). Sometimes I even have to cancel the appointments I have because I just can't even get out of bed. I have medication for the pain *but not high doses by any means because of my heart*, I have additional pain coverage with those lidoderm patches, and I also have a TENS unit. That's a lot of coverage and it's still not covering it sadly. I don't mean to complain and that's really not the purpose of all this. It's to show the extent of how bad this is. Sometimes the picture is not clear. Not to mention the actual positioning of my body itself is bad from the disorder. It makes for added stress on the pain. I wish I had a "normal" case of it, what ever that is, and that it was ONLY just that but I have compounding factors. (hope this stupid forum inserts the paragraph break but it doesn't seem to be doing it lately for me no matter what so please know that there was one here as I typed this) Mentally, I take all this in stride and STAR is the one who would know this best. I've only struggled with this decision because it is above and beyond one that anyone would ever have to make. I'm only human. Any STAR, STARBIE.....and did NOT say you were NOT my friend, in fact I said you were my ONLY friend my dear sweet lady! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I LOVE getting your texts and emails. They are the highlight of any of the days they come in. They make me smile, laugh, just as your messages on here always have. It's something to look forward to. I'm like a little kid looking forward to getting them, just like when you would go to a mail box expecting mail but then getting disappointed that there was none. I know you have life happening in your world! I get it, and you know I do. Don't ever beat yourself up about it. Thanks everyone. I'm still having residual thoughts but they are lessening. I expect I will continue to feel this way on and off and should the time come when I hear or find out that my mother actually did die then it will reopen the thoughts and feelings but I know I have to keep to my decision for the sanity, safety and protection of the family unit here. We're working way to hard and have to get where we are now. I can't land into chaos unknown. *kisses and hugs to all of you and to those who need them as well* PS.... side note, warm orange barium sulfate is disgusting! I advise if anyone ever has to drink barium to make sure they put ice in it so as it goes longer it stays cold!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 611250, member: 455"] Annie, I did therapy and right now with the kids it's in home therapy as a family. I could not take on additional therapy as I can barely make my medical appointments with my health. Remember, I can't really walk. It's excruciatingly painful. To go sit somewhere extended times and wait for them to call me in for doctor is also painful (when they are backed up). Sometimes I even have to cancel the appointments I have because I just can't even get out of bed. I have medication for the pain *but not high doses by any means because of my heart*, I have additional pain coverage with those lidoderm patches, and I also have a TENS unit. That's a lot of coverage and it's still not covering it sadly. I don't mean to complain and that's really not the purpose of all this. It's to show the extent of how bad this is. Sometimes the picture is not clear. Not to mention the actual positioning of my body itself is bad from the disorder. It makes for added stress on the pain. I wish I had a "normal" case of it, what ever that is, and that it was ONLY just that but I have compounding factors. (hope this stupid forum inserts the paragraph break but it doesn't seem to be doing it lately for me no matter what so please know that there was one here as I typed this) Mentally, I take all this in stride and STAR is the one who would know this best. I've only struggled with this decision because it is above and beyond one that anyone would ever have to make. I'm only human. Any STAR, STARBIE.....and did NOT say you were NOT my friend, in fact I said you were my ONLY friend my dear sweet lady! :) I LOVE getting your texts and emails. They are the highlight of any of the days they come in. They make me smile, laugh, just as your messages on here always have. It's something to look forward to. I'm like a little kid looking forward to getting them, just like when you would go to a mail box expecting mail but then getting disappointed that there was none. I know you have life happening in your world! I get it, and you know I do. Don't ever beat yourself up about it. Thanks everyone. I'm still having residual thoughts but they are lessening. I expect I will continue to feel this way on and off and should the time come when I hear or find out that my mother actually did die then it will reopen the thoughts and feelings but I know I have to keep to my decision for the sanity, safety and protection of the family unit here. We're working way to hard and have to get where we are now. I can't land into chaos unknown. *kisses and hugs to all of you and to those who need them as well* PS.... side note, warm orange barium sulfate is disgusting! I advise if anyone ever has to drink barium to make sure they put ice in it so as it goes longer it stays cold! [/QUOTE]
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