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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 683904" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I kicked my son out when he was 23. I cannot imagine why I waited so long except that I felt it was my parental duty to launch him (i.e. college, job, etc.). NO!!!!!</p><p></p><p>Boy, was I wrong. </p><p></p><p>My son got himself on SSI. He was hospitalized various times. He went into residential treatment. He was homeless. He came back and forth to our home and I kicked him out after a couple of days, a week at most. I could not stand it. He would call the police on us to put us in jail. He physically tackled my significant other and gave him a black eye. I was sick all the time when he was here, popping antacids like candy. I went around all day feeling as if I was dying. *I think I was.</p><p></p><p>I changed. I made it crystal clear I would not tolerate ANYTHING. I did not call him. If he called me, I maintained strict control of the topics. Or I said goodbye.</p><p></p><p>He changed. *I think he did. I am still very, very cautious. I think he got it that I was outta there if he was abusive. A whole lot of it was he hated living on the street. He hated it. (He had to live it to realize that it might be worth it to treat us a little bit better, worth it to try to conform a bit.) I also believe there is a maturation that happens around 27 or so. </p><p></p><p>He is now 27. He has been here for almost 2 months. In my house. He is working near every day with us to remodel a house we bought for him to live in. He just enrolled in 3 online courses. Every week I am a bit more confident. A bit.</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say here is <em>do not take abuse</em>. You hurt your child if you allow him to mistreat you and to dominate your home. Stop it. You are not obligated to take care of somebody who is victimizing you. He is an adult. </p><p></p><p>I learned to not enable my perpetrator.</p><p></p><p>The world will teach our children to change. That is what needs to happen. Your child needs to experience the consequences of bad behavior. That is what I think.</p><p></p><p>Take care. Keep posting. It helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 683904, member: 18958"] I kicked my son out when he was 23. I cannot imagine why I waited so long except that I felt it was my parental duty to launch him (i.e. college, job, etc.). NO!!!!! Boy, was I wrong. My son got himself on SSI. He was hospitalized various times. He went into residential treatment. He was homeless. He came back and forth to our home and I kicked him out after a couple of days, a week at most. I could not stand it. He would call the police on us to put us in jail. He physically tackled my significant other and gave him a black eye. I was sick all the time when he was here, popping antacids like candy. I went around all day feeling as if I was dying. *I think I was. I changed. I made it crystal clear I would not tolerate ANYTHING. I did not call him. If he called me, I maintained strict control of the topics. Or I said goodbye. He changed. *I think he did. I am still very, very cautious. I think he got it that I was outta there if he was abusive. A whole lot of it was he hated living on the street. He hated it. (He had to live it to realize that it might be worth it to treat us a little bit better, worth it to try to conform a bit.) I also believe there is a maturation that happens around 27 or so. He is now 27. He has been here for almost 2 months. In my house. He is working near every day with us to remodel a house we bought for him to live in. He just enrolled in 3 online courses. Every week I am a bit more confident. A bit. What I am trying to say here is [I]do not take abuse[/I]. You hurt your child if you allow him to mistreat you and to dominate your home. Stop it. You are not obligated to take care of somebody who is victimizing you. He is an adult. I learned to not enable my perpetrator. The world will teach our children to change. That is what needs to happen. Your child needs to experience the consequences of bad behavior. That is what I think. Take care. Keep posting. It helps. [/QUOTE]
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