Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
feeling desperate
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 683958" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>youngfool. While I would like to think of myself as courageous, and thank you for thinking of me this way, courage had nothing to do with it.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing we need to have or know or feel to stop this. It is only to say, no.</p><p></p><p>I come from a culture where my wishes were to have my adult child with me until he married and thereafter close. Actually, we even moved to a foreign nation where the culture encouraged more family closeness among adult children. To throw my son out, especially because he has a chronic illness which requires treatment was completely against everything I thought I would ever do, or ever want to do. This was hard. But still, not having one thing to do with courage on my part.</p><p></p><p>There is a reality that must be faced. The reality is what our children are showing with every fiber of their being. They do not want to mistreat us. My son did not want this. They need to be shown that they cannot do this. No differently than if they are 2 years old or 3. I remember when I used to restrain my son with my own body by standing there so he could not pass. I knew I had to do this to keep him safe. That it was my job to do this. The idea of courage had nothing to do with it. I had to do it.</p><p></p><p>There is this recognition that comes to us now that they are adults. That we are responsible, still, to do whatever we can, which is in our power to set a boundary. <em>No.</em> That is the only boundary we have left. The only way we can have any effect on them. We cannot tell them what to do, not anymore. We can only tell them what we will not tolerate.</p><p></p><p>We cannot tolerate it because we are worth protecting. We cannot tolerate it because they are worth standing up for. We do that when we say: This is what I want for me and my spouse. A safe and tranquil home. This is what I will not tolerate: (You spell it out, and you enforce it.)</p><p></p><p>Be gentle with yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 683958, member: 18958"] youngfool. While I would like to think of myself as courageous, and thank you for thinking of me this way, courage had nothing to do with it. There is nothing we need to have or know or feel to stop this. It is only to say, no. I come from a culture where my wishes were to have my adult child with me until he married and thereafter close. Actually, we even moved to a foreign nation where the culture encouraged more family closeness among adult children. To throw my son out, especially because he has a chronic illness which requires treatment was completely against everything I thought I would ever do, or ever want to do. This was hard. But still, not having one thing to do with courage on my part. There is a reality that must be faced. The reality is what our children are showing with every fiber of their being. They do not want to mistreat us. My son did not want this. They need to be shown that they cannot do this. No differently than if they are 2 years old or 3. I remember when I used to restrain my son with my own body by standing there so he could not pass. I knew I had to do this to keep him safe. That it was my job to do this. The idea of courage had nothing to do with it. I had to do it. There is this recognition that comes to us now that they are adults. That we are responsible, still, to do whatever we can, which is in our power to set a boundary. [I]No.[/I] That is the only boundary we have left. The only way we can have any effect on them. We cannot tell them what to do, not anymore. We can only tell them what we will not tolerate. We cannot tolerate it because we are worth protecting. We cannot tolerate it because they are worth standing up for. We do that when we say: This is what I want for me and my spouse. A safe and tranquil home. This is what I will not tolerate: (You spell it out, and you enforce it.) Be gentle with yourself. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
feeling desperate
Top