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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 685817" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Youngfool, to the extent that this site works it is because of the many similarities we share. Not just with our kids, how they treat us, but in how we suffer, feeling lost, guilty, afraid, fill in the blanks.</p><p></p><p>Which is how we as parents help each other. Few of us have not felt as you do. Every pathetic and ugly feeling. That is why I try to tell the truth about myself. Even when realistically I know that somebody will tell me I am wrong, should evolve and do it better.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. I know how much I backslide. I know how ugly my heart can feel, and my mouth can get.</p><p></p><p>It is not that I feel proud of myself, or am defending myself, or am insisting that any of this ugliness or weakness is in any way good for me or for my child. </p><p></p><p>What I am trying to do is first, own myself and what I am...<em>so that I can change. </em>And second, and as important<em>, </em>I know that others are not a little bit similar. </p><p></p><p>I believe that by sharing I diffuse my own shame and guilt somewhat. Which is the whole point. Because by doing so, I come to accept myself. Not the bad behavior, but my understanding of my own story--so that I can change it. </p><p></p><p><em>Nothing was ever changed but by degrees</em>, a mother here on this site often quotes. I risk rejection so that I accept myself. Not the person in all of her frailties, but so that I can know them and own them and move on. That is what you are doing, too, I think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 685817, member: 18958"] Youngfool, to the extent that this site works it is because of the many similarities we share. Not just with our kids, how they treat us, but in how we suffer, feeling lost, guilty, afraid, fill in the blanks. Which is how we as parents help each other. Few of us have not felt as you do. Every pathetic and ugly feeling. That is why I try to tell the truth about myself. Even when realistically I know that somebody will tell me I am wrong, should evolve and do it better. I know how hard this is. I know how much I backslide. I know how ugly my heart can feel, and my mouth can get. It is not that I feel proud of myself, or am defending myself, or am insisting that any of this ugliness or weakness is in any way good for me or for my child. What I am trying to do is first, own myself and what I am...[I]so that I can change. [/I]And second, and as important[I], [/I]I know that others are not a little bit similar. I believe that by sharing I diffuse my own shame and guilt somewhat. Which is the whole point. Because by doing so, I come to accept myself. Not the bad behavior, but my understanding of my own story--so that I can change it. [I]Nothing was ever changed but by degrees[/I], a mother here on this site often quotes. I risk rejection so that I accept myself. Not the person in all of her frailties, but so that I can know them and own them and move on. That is what you are doing, too, I think. [/QUOTE]
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