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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 738310" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome Overcome!</p><p>I'm glad you found us here but sorry you had to. Your story if a familiar one.</p><p>My story with my son is very similar to yours. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Okay, if he wants to go live with his birth mother then let her pay.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There are many levels of mental illness. Having ADHD and or Bipolar are both very manageable. There are thousands of people who manage their lives quite well. It all comes down to choice. The person has to accept they need to be on medication and or change their diet as they have found diet contributes greatly to certain disorders. You cannot force someone to take medication. </p><p></p><p>I am always amazed that even though there is a diagnosis of ADHD or Bipolar, that difficult adult children are master manipulators. They know how to play on our emotions. Don't let your son hold your emotions hostage.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It's not easy to separate our emotions from dealing with our difficult adult children but it's those emotions that our children are counting on. They are counting on us feeling guilty so we will give into them. If we tell them no then they will ramp it up and try to manipulate us into feeling guilty.</p><p>My son has made the choice to be homeless, to not be responsible, and I have had desperate calls from him telling me he's going to starve to death, or he's going to freeze to death. Yes, it's heartbreaking but I told him he needed to get to a shelter.</p><p></p><p>My son is 36 and I've been dealing with his out of control behavior for close to 25 years. I have done it all, given money, paid for therapy, paid for places for him to live, bought a car, paid for cell phones, paid for food, clothes, etc............... I have literally spent ten of thousands of dollars trying to "help" him. What I was really doing was enabling him.</p><p>I was stuck in the FOG - fear, obligation, guilt.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband need to guard your money. Too many people have wiped out their life savings and retirement funds giving it to their out of control, ungrateful, difficult adult children.</p><p></p><p>There will come a time when we, the parents die. Then what??? The longer we enable our children the harder we make it for them down the road when we are no longer here. It's better that they learn how to navigate life on their own. It's better that they have to face the consequences of their actions regardless of having ADHD or Biopolar.</p><p></p><p>I know this heartbreaking, I've lived it for many years. What I can tell you is I have and many others have come out of the FOG. We have detached with love and have taken our lives back. Yes, I live a very happy life despite they chaotic life my son chooses to live.</p><p></p><p>There is a very good article about detachment at the top of this forum. Here is a link to it.</p><p>It has some wonderful advice.</p><p><a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p></p><p>I'm glad you are here with us. You are not alone.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 738310, member: 18516"] Welcome Overcome! I'm glad you found us here but sorry you had to. Your story if a familiar one. My story with my son is very similar to yours. Okay, if he wants to go live with his birth mother then let her pay. There are many levels of mental illness. Having ADHD and or Bipolar are both very manageable. There are thousands of people who manage their lives quite well. It all comes down to choice. The person has to accept they need to be on medication and or change their diet as they have found diet contributes greatly to certain disorders. You cannot force someone to take medication. I am always amazed that even though there is a diagnosis of ADHD or Bipolar, that difficult adult children are master manipulators. They know how to play on our emotions. Don't let your son hold your emotions hostage. It's not easy to separate our emotions from dealing with our difficult adult children but it's those emotions that our children are counting on. They are counting on us feeling guilty so we will give into them. If we tell them no then they will ramp it up and try to manipulate us into feeling guilty. My son has made the choice to be homeless, to not be responsible, and I have had desperate calls from him telling me he's going to starve to death, or he's going to freeze to death. Yes, it's heartbreaking but I told him he needed to get to a shelter. My son is 36 and I've been dealing with his out of control behavior for close to 25 years. I have done it all, given money, paid for therapy, paid for places for him to live, bought a car, paid for cell phones, paid for food, clothes, etc............... I have literally spent ten of thousands of dollars trying to "help" him. What I was really doing was enabling him. I was stuck in the FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. You and your husband need to guard your money. Too many people have wiped out their life savings and retirement funds giving it to their out of control, ungrateful, difficult adult children. There will come a time when we, the parents die. Then what??? The longer we enable our children the harder we make it for them down the road when we are no longer here. It's better that they learn how to navigate life on their own. It's better that they have to face the consequences of their actions regardless of having ADHD or Biopolar. I know this heartbreaking, I've lived it for many years. What I can tell you is I have and many others have come out of the FOG. We have detached with love and have taken our lives back. Yes, I live a very happy life despite they chaotic life my son chooses to live. There is a very good article about detachment at the top of this forum. Here is a link to it. It has some wonderful advice. [URL]https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] I'm glad you are here with us. You are not alone. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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