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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747511" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is hilarious. I mean. Where do they get this stuff? I'm smiling here.</p><p> I worked in prison and to me, this would be a kind of blessing, that is, if he's using drugs. This sometimes is the only time people get clean. In my State he could learn a trade. He could get his GED if he has not graduated. He could go to college. He could get mental health care. He could go to NA and AA. He could go to church. The thing is--he knows he could go back to prison...and he keeps doing whatever he's doing. He knows.</p><p></p><p>We cannot determine if my son is just blowing smoke, trying to give the illusion that he's trying, or it's just that he is disorganized and deludes himself. We get so confused because he confuses everything. It's disorientating. We keep throwing him out, because he breaks inviolable rules. And then we let him back. My heart is broken when he leaves. And he doesn't want to leave, really. He hates M's rules (no marijuana on the property), that he do something for himself, not trash the place..., is the thing.</p><p></p><p>So. He gets kicked out (again). And I take pity and bring him to my house because it was raining. And guess what? He hides a big bag of marijuana under some stuff in the guest bedroom, and leaves it there. I mean. How stupid is that? He has not been back for it. I cannot figure him out.</p><p></p><p>I think he did talk to M (we live separately) about getting back into the house. We are committed to work with him if he keeps moving in the right direction. But use of and having marijuana in the property, M will not tolerate.</p><p></p><p>As I write this I know I either sound inconsistent or weak. And maybe I'm both. But I have learned that hard and fast rules don't work for us. I have to give us wiggle room. He gets the opportunity to blow it. But he gets the opportunity to fix it. That's what I learned from kicking him out 9 months ago. If I had been stronger (before I kicked him out) I would have let him pay the rent, that he did not want to pay. Instead I said: <em>Leave</em>. And made him leave.</p><p></p><p>But who knows? Maybe I needed to do that, and needed that separation to grow stronger. And maybe he did too.</p><p></p><p>It is very paradoxical but he gets self-esteem from surviving on the streets. I vacillate between feeling horrified and thinking about cowboys sleeping under the stars (I love westerns.)</p><p></p><p>I feel good now. Last night he reached out to hold my hand. For a moment it felt like my son is back.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for this thread. I have clarified I do not want to anymore do anything dramatic. None of us want this anymore. I think we're trying to change and learn, and to find something that works. My son really, really does not want to be homeless anymore. It's just that he does not (yet) want to give up anything to maintain a normal life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747511, member: 18958"] This is hilarious. I mean. Where do they get this stuff? I'm smiling here. I worked in prison and to me, this would be a kind of blessing, that is, if he's using drugs. This sometimes is the only time people get clean. In my State he could learn a trade. He could get his GED if he has not graduated. He could go to college. He could get mental health care. He could go to NA and AA. He could go to church. The thing is--he knows he could go back to prison...and he keeps doing whatever he's doing. He knows. We cannot determine if my son is just blowing smoke, trying to give the illusion that he's trying, or it's just that he is disorganized and deludes himself. We get so confused because he confuses everything. It's disorientating. We keep throwing him out, because he breaks inviolable rules. And then we let him back. My heart is broken when he leaves. And he doesn't want to leave, really. He hates M's rules (no marijuana on the property), that he do something for himself, not trash the place..., is the thing. So. He gets kicked out (again). And I take pity and bring him to my house because it was raining. And guess what? He hides a big bag of marijuana under some stuff in the guest bedroom, and leaves it there. I mean. How stupid is that? He has not been back for it. I cannot figure him out. I think he did talk to M (we live separately) about getting back into the house. We are committed to work with him if he keeps moving in the right direction. But use of and having marijuana in the property, M will not tolerate. As I write this I know I either sound inconsistent or weak. And maybe I'm both. But I have learned that hard and fast rules don't work for us. I have to give us wiggle room. He gets the opportunity to blow it. But he gets the opportunity to fix it. That's what I learned from kicking him out 9 months ago. If I had been stronger (before I kicked him out) I would have let him pay the rent, that he did not want to pay. Instead I said: [I]Leave[/I]. And made him leave. But who knows? Maybe I needed to do that, and needed that separation to grow stronger. And maybe he did too. It is very paradoxical but he gets self-esteem from surviving on the streets. I vacillate between feeling horrified and thinking about cowboys sleeping under the stars (I love westerns.) I feel good now. Last night he reached out to hold my hand. For a moment it felt like my son is back. Thank you for this thread. I have clarified I do not want to anymore do anything dramatic. None of us want this anymore. I think we're trying to change and learn, and to find something that works. My son really, really does not want to be homeless anymore. It's just that he does not (yet) want to give up anything to maintain a normal life. [/QUOTE]
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