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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 724037" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I’m sure you did okay with your eldest Hunter. </p><p>They are just different people. </p><p>We all did our best with our kids.</p><p>It’s not our fault.</p><p>There is no such thing as perfect parenting.</p><p> They just grow up and make choices. </p><p>Some figure out their potential sooner than others.</p><p>The thing is, they need to take responsibility for their choices.</p><p> Not put it on us.</p><p>We end up going through all sorts of grieving watching them struggle, trying to keep them from falling. </p><p>We end up shouldering their burden, without even realizing it. It’s a gradual thing. Adds up.</p><p>It becomes too much for everyone.</p><p>Even them.</p><p>I think they start to resent themselves and us. </p><p>They feel stuck too.</p><p>You are not helpless, Hunter, you are a mom who loves her son and wants the best for him.</p><p> He also has to want that for himself. </p><p>It is a tough place to be, I know.</p><p>You will figure it out in due time.</p><p>In the meantime, keep posting and be very kind to yourself. Learning how to care for ourselves again is an important step in showing our d cs how to do just that. We moms tend to give all of our time to our kids. It is hard to make decisions when we are stressed and down, feeling helpless. What it really is, is that we begin to recognize that we have no control over our adult d cs choices.</p><p> They will do what they want.</p><p>It is not that you are helpless, you are seeing that you have tried everything in your power to try to fix what’s going on with your son. It’s not working. Because he will do what he wants to do.</p><p>It is a kind of quagmire, but really not, because you are learning that the only control you have is over yourself, in this situation.</p><p>Take some steps to work on you, to find time for yourself to relax and refresh. Go to a movie, go out with your husband. Or simply have a cup of tea or a nice warm bath. </p><p>Empower yourself with some reading, the detachment article on the PE forum is great.</p><p> Little things that help build us up and shift focus to what<em> is in our control</em>, <em>ourselves</em>, help us become stronger and able to make good decisions. </p><p>Self care is not selfish. </p><p>It is what we want for our d cs, that they learn how to care for themselves. </p><p>One day, one step at a time. </p><p>You got this Hunterfied.</p><p>And you are not alone.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 724037, member: 19522"] I’m sure you did okay with your eldest Hunter. They are just different people. We all did our best with our kids. It’s not our fault. There is no such thing as perfect parenting. They just grow up and make choices. Some figure out their potential sooner than others. The thing is, they need to take responsibility for their choices. Not put it on us. We end up going through all sorts of grieving watching them struggle, trying to keep them from falling. We end up shouldering their burden, without even realizing it. It’s a gradual thing. Adds up. It becomes too much for everyone. Even them. I think they start to resent themselves and us. They feel stuck too. You are not helpless, Hunter, you are a mom who loves her son and wants the best for him. He also has to want that for himself. It is a tough place to be, I know. You will figure it out in due time. In the meantime, keep posting and be very kind to yourself. Learning how to care for ourselves again is an important step in showing our d cs how to do just that. We moms tend to give all of our time to our kids. It is hard to make decisions when we are stressed and down, feeling helpless. What it really is, is that we begin to recognize that we have no control over our adult d cs choices. They will do what they want. It is not that you are helpless, you are seeing that you have tried everything in your power to try to fix what’s going on with your son. It’s not working. Because he will do what he wants to do. It is a kind of quagmire, but really not, because you are learning that the only control you have is over yourself, in this situation. Take some steps to work on you, to find time for yourself to relax and refresh. Go to a movie, go out with your husband. Or simply have a cup of tea or a nice warm bath. Empower yourself with some reading, the detachment article on the PE forum is great. Little things that help build us up and shift focus to what[I] is in our control[/I], [I]ourselves[/I], help us become stronger and able to make good decisions. Self care is not selfish. It is what we want for our d cs, that they learn how to care for themselves. One day, one step at a time. You got this Hunterfied. And you are not alone. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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