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Feeling hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 639402" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>JKF, we are sisters in this. The sheer awfulness of watching them sink below the surface of the water. Here is my hope and experience though...I have thought many many times that this must be rock bottom, that he would overdose or freeze to death while drunk, or be beaten to death or hit by a car or lit on fire by one of those marauding gangs that lights homeless people on fire.....but it has never happened. He bubbles up again, now living under a bridge, now couch surfing, now hospitalized, now living under the bridge...and around and around and around we go. The despair, the awful moments of what appear to be self realization, the fear and regret on his part that surfaces sometimes...it goes away again, and he is back to living like robin hood the outlaw, weirdly enjoying his fringe life. Once he cut his throat (not enough to bleed to death, that would actually be quite hard, said the doctor). Once he cut his wrists. All those times were awful awful awful for all of us...and yet...here he is years later, doing the dance of where he lives and how he lives. I think it will be the same for your difficult child, JKF, I do.</p><p></p><p>The hours are sometimes very very dark for us, JKF. But it will get lighter. Pay attention to what RE says. Breathe and remember how little you can control. What for true loss before you grieve. Don't waste your energy fearing or grieving what hasn't happened yet, and may never happen.</p><p></p><p>Hugs from me to you, mama. It is lonely and sad and scary, but we are here.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 639402, member: 17269"] JKF, we are sisters in this. The sheer awfulness of watching them sink below the surface of the water. Here is my hope and experience though...I have thought many many times that this must be rock bottom, that he would overdose or freeze to death while drunk, or be beaten to death or hit by a car or lit on fire by one of those marauding gangs that lights homeless people on fire.....but it has never happened. He bubbles up again, now living under a bridge, now couch surfing, now hospitalized, now living under the bridge...and around and around and around we go. The despair, the awful moments of what appear to be self realization, the fear and regret on his part that surfaces sometimes...it goes away again, and he is back to living like robin hood the outlaw, weirdly enjoying his fringe life. Once he cut his throat (not enough to bleed to death, that would actually be quite hard, said the doctor). Once he cut his wrists. All those times were awful awful awful for all of us...and yet...here he is years later, doing the dance of where he lives and how he lives. I think it will be the same for your difficult child, JKF, I do. The hours are sometimes very very dark for us, JKF. But it will get lighter. Pay attention to what RE says. Breathe and remember how little you can control. What for true loss before you grieve. Don't waste your energy fearing or grieving what hasn't happened yet, and may never happen. Hugs from me to you, mama. It is lonely and sad and scary, but we are here. Echo [/QUOTE]
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