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Feeling let down
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 584748" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Welcome ILMS.... I am sorry you had to find us but you are in good company here... many of us know exactly what you are going through. My story is similar in many ways to yours... my son is 21. We have been through the wringer and the key is to find the balance between loving them, not enabling them to use drugs, and taking care of yourselves in the process. First please take in this is not your fault. It really isn't. There is no perfect parent and we all make mistakes but some kids are difficult from day 1... and some kids are more prone to substance abuse than others. </p><p></p><p>My first piece of advice is to find a good alanon group for parents... or some kind of support group for parents with kids who have substance abuse problems. I think ou are absolutely right that you cannot have him come back and live at home... so stay strong on that. Let him know you love him and you will support him in getting himself help, and if he doesnt want or think he needs help then he can figure things out on his own but you will love him no matter what.</p><p></p><p>As I said my son is 21... has been through rehab several times, got kicked out of several sober houses and a couple of rehabs. He walked out of a really great program last August with a girl he met there. At that point we told him he needed to figure things out. He was across the country and we literally let him be homeless for 5 months, and he spent that time living on the streets. It was excrutiating... he did manage to post now and then on FB and so we were sort of in touch and I could see his phone records and knew he was still alive. Although at one point his phone died and we didnt even have that until we could find a way to send him another phone. </p><p></p><p>Finally in January he did ask us for help and with the help of a family friend (a recovering addict) we got him into yet another rehab (cheap this time) and he is now living at the sober house the friend runs. He has been there a month and seems to be doing pretty well. I saw him a couple of weeks ago (hadnt seen him since June) and he looked great. Clearly it is not all resolved, I think this stuff goes on forever, but things are much better and our relationship is much better. I have hope again.</p><p></p><p>My motto is I will help him as long as he is taking the next right step, and I wont help if it seems his next step is towards self destruction.</p><p></p><p>Hope this helps... we do understand and keep posting here.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 584748, member: 15801"] Welcome ILMS.... I am sorry you had to find us but you are in good company here... many of us know exactly what you are going through. My story is similar in many ways to yours... my son is 21. We have been through the wringer and the key is to find the balance between loving them, not enabling them to use drugs, and taking care of yourselves in the process. First please take in this is not your fault. It really isn't. There is no perfect parent and we all make mistakes but some kids are difficult from day 1... and some kids are more prone to substance abuse than others. My first piece of advice is to find a good alanon group for parents... or some kind of support group for parents with kids who have substance abuse problems. I think ou are absolutely right that you cannot have him come back and live at home... so stay strong on that. Let him know you love him and you will support him in getting himself help, and if he doesnt want or think he needs help then he can figure things out on his own but you will love him no matter what. As I said my son is 21... has been through rehab several times, got kicked out of several sober houses and a couple of rehabs. He walked out of a really great program last August with a girl he met there. At that point we told him he needed to figure things out. He was across the country and we literally let him be homeless for 5 months, and he spent that time living on the streets. It was excrutiating... he did manage to post now and then on FB and so we were sort of in touch and I could see his phone records and knew he was still alive. Although at one point his phone died and we didnt even have that until we could find a way to send him another phone. Finally in January he did ask us for help and with the help of a family friend (a recovering addict) we got him into yet another rehab (cheap this time) and he is now living at the sober house the friend runs. He has been there a month and seems to be doing pretty well. I saw him a couple of weeks ago (hadnt seen him since June) and he looked great. Clearly it is not all resolved, I think this stuff goes on forever, but things are much better and our relationship is much better. I have hope again. My motto is I will help him as long as he is taking the next right step, and I wont help if it seems his next step is towards self destruction. Hope this helps... we do understand and keep posting here. TL [/QUOTE]
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