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Feeling peace in your soul
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<blockquote data-quote="Mirabelle" data-source="post: 763703" data-attributes="member: 28712"><p>Newstart, your description of your experience with no contact is so powerful. I only wish my husband could follow through. He has initiated no contact but it hasn't been tested yet. Our daughter came to see us yesterday and he explained that he feels obligated to his son because 'everyone else has given up on him' ie. his mom, his sister, his grandmother, me. I don't see what the rest of us have done as giving up on him however. We have all chosen to take a step back. His sister, grandmother, and myself will not answer his calls, including those from numbers we do not recognize, because as you say, it is often our son using someone else's phone. We have decided to take a step back and shield ourselves from the abuse and the heartache and the sheer ugliness of it all. Our son knows what he must do in order to re-establish contact with us, but has cast himself in the role of abandoned victim instead.</p><p></p><p>I feel personally that he knows his Dad will continue to take his BS, even if his Dad gets mad and says he's done, to this point, it has not been true. He knows his dad is an empath and takes full advantage like you say. He won't place demands and guilt trips on people if he knows they won't stand for it. I feel his Dad is unwittingly helping him to continue in his dysfunction and destructive lifestyle, but he is so scared of his son dying, he cannot help himself.</p><p></p><p>I will share your post with my husband. Hard, hard stuff, and I cannot commend you enough for having the sheer guts and will to see it through. The Easter basket.......oh my God. It's like something out of a movie. You probably cried for a week, but you did it. I could not admire you more for your courage, and far from 'giving up', it shows just how much you love your child; to put yourself through that to give them a last chance at redemption. </p><p></p><p>I hope that my husband can reframe his thinking. One good decision my son had been making was to take his monthly dose of an anti psychotic and mood stabilizing medication. I just learned that he has suddenly decided he is not going to do that anymore. So yet another round in the psychiatric ward may be in our future. I catch myself feeling so sorry for him, and I do, but I have to remind myself that he probably has more control over his behavior than I give him credit for.</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for sharing your experience and I pray for your continued peace.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs, </p><p>Mirabelle</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mirabelle, post: 763703, member: 28712"] Newstart, your description of your experience with no contact is so powerful. I only wish my husband could follow through. He has initiated no contact but it hasn't been tested yet. Our daughter came to see us yesterday and he explained that he feels obligated to his son because 'everyone else has given up on him' ie. his mom, his sister, his grandmother, me. I don't see what the rest of us have done as giving up on him however. We have all chosen to take a step back. His sister, grandmother, and myself will not answer his calls, including those from numbers we do not recognize, because as you say, it is often our son using someone else's phone. We have decided to take a step back and shield ourselves from the abuse and the heartache and the sheer ugliness of it all. Our son knows what he must do in order to re-establish contact with us, but has cast himself in the role of abandoned victim instead. I feel personally that he knows his Dad will continue to take his BS, even if his Dad gets mad and says he's done, to this point, it has not been true. He knows his dad is an empath and takes full advantage like you say. He won't place demands and guilt trips on people if he knows they won't stand for it. I feel his Dad is unwittingly helping him to continue in his dysfunction and destructive lifestyle, but he is so scared of his son dying, he cannot help himself. I will share your post with my husband. Hard, hard stuff, and I cannot commend you enough for having the sheer guts and will to see it through. The Easter basket.......oh my God. It's like something out of a movie. You probably cried for a week, but you did it. I could not admire you more for your courage, and far from 'giving up', it shows just how much you love your child; to put yourself through that to give them a last chance at redemption. I hope that my husband can reframe his thinking. One good decision my son had been making was to take his monthly dose of an anti psychotic and mood stabilizing medication. I just learned that he has suddenly decided he is not going to do that anymore. So yet another round in the psychiatric ward may be in our future. I catch myself feeling so sorry for him, and I do, but I have to remind myself that he probably has more control over his behavior than I give him credit for. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and I pray for your continued peace. Many hugs, Mirabelle [/QUOTE]
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