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Feeling sad and discouraged
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 757165" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Beta,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry that you feel sad and discouraged. My heart goes out to you. The problem is that our adult children need more than a month or two to change and more importantly they have to see that they do need to change. We as parents want to tie up lose ends and button everything up nicely in a neat package so that "we" feel better. Well, I've learned the only way I'm going to feel better is to accept what is for the time being. It's not pretty, it's not what we wanted, it's not even close to what we wanted but it is what it is. </p><p></p><p>I say this to myself as well but it's our own fault to some degree when we put timelines on how and when things need to happen. Life's timetable just doesn't work like that. It may take years before your son sees what's really important in life and if in fact he doesn't move with you and your husband and does leave at the end of May, maybe just maybe this is the journey he needs to arrive at the place where one day you "will" have a healthy relationship. I think you know deep down you can't force the change in him. You just want it so bad, like we all do, that you thought this time together was your opportunity to make it all better. But the way I see it is it's a two way street and until Josh is ready to travel that road with you, you are walking it alone.</p><p></p><p>Please don't give up and say you will never see him again. Don't punish yourself with that kind of self-talk. I think I recall you saying that previously and look what happened? You did see him again. I say this only because many times with both of my sons, my heart ached and I didn't know where they were and thought that I'd never see them again. This has happened repeatedly and I did see them again after long periods of time. So don't give up.</p><p></p><p>This is an excerpt from our Al anon "Courage to Change" "When I'm anxious about other people, I need my Higher Power's help. Fighting fear with fear often strengthens its hold over me, but turning my loved ones over to God can free us all."</p><p></p><p>I believe this is not the end but maybe one of many beginnings in the long journey it's going to take Josh to "arrive".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 757165, member: 23405"] Beta, I'm so sorry that you feel sad and discouraged. My heart goes out to you. The problem is that our adult children need more than a month or two to change and more importantly they have to see that they do need to change. We as parents want to tie up lose ends and button everything up nicely in a neat package so that "we" feel better. Well, I've learned the only way I'm going to feel better is to accept what is for the time being. It's not pretty, it's not what we wanted, it's not even close to what we wanted but it is what it is. I say this to myself as well but it's our own fault to some degree when we put timelines on how and when things need to happen. Life's timetable just doesn't work like that. It may take years before your son sees what's really important in life and if in fact he doesn't move with you and your husband and does leave at the end of May, maybe just maybe this is the journey he needs to arrive at the place where one day you "will" have a healthy relationship. I think you know deep down you can't force the change in him. You just want it so bad, like we all do, that you thought this time together was your opportunity to make it all better. But the way I see it is it's a two way street and until Josh is ready to travel that road with you, you are walking it alone. Please don't give up and say you will never see him again. Don't punish yourself with that kind of self-talk. I think I recall you saying that previously and look what happened? You did see him again. I say this only because many times with both of my sons, my heart ached and I didn't know where they were and thought that I'd never see them again. This has happened repeatedly and I did see them again after long periods of time. So don't give up. This is an excerpt from our Al anon "Courage to Change" "When I'm anxious about other people, I need my Higher Power's help. Fighting fear with fear often strengthens its hold over me, but turning my loved ones over to God can free us all." I believe this is not the end but maybe one of many beginnings in the long journey it's going to take Josh to "arrive". [/QUOTE]
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