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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757199" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Look Beta. Everything Josh says and does is a manifestation of how he feels about himself. And the blame he casts upon you is an overflow of the negativity inside of him. He cannot treat you differently until he is able to treat himself differently. You cannot help him with this. He has to do it himself either through getting help, either psychological or spiritual, or through life experience.</p><p>He knows this. He knows this through and through. There is no need to tell him.</p><p>This was your fear when he was in Denver. I don't believe it is true. You would have never thought he would have come home. He did. I believe you will have a lifetime relationship with Josh, if you want it. But you've got to let go and let him work this out. That has to be okay with you. That's when Josh gets so enraged. When he feels you're not okay with letting him be, growing up. He can't stand it when he feels you're dependent upon something from him. Rightly or wrongly he seems to experience it as controlling or manipulating.</p><p> Those feelings of worthlessness and being a failure are your own psychological baggage. Your son's life is his business. His feelings are his own. He has a right to them without your being crushed. Josh has lots of things to deal with. Like my own son. Adoption. Race. Growing up. Mental illness. None of these things are a reflection on you or me. When we personalize them we complicate an already difficult situation.</p><p></p><p>I want you to feel relief that Josh is going. It's the right thing for him to do. He needs to do it and wants to do it. Your feelings he doesn't love you are your baggage, not his. I believe he loves you. He's struggling now and can't get out from under. There is hope here. You have your faith. You know what to do.</p><p></p><p>You did not fail. You've been there for Josh every step of the way. You've loved him unconditionally. He knows all of this. Acknowledge yourself for the wonderful person and mother that you are. It's true.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757199, member: 18958"] Look Beta. Everything Josh says and does is a manifestation of how he feels about himself. And the blame he casts upon you is an overflow of the negativity inside of him. He cannot treat you differently until he is able to treat himself differently. You cannot help him with this. He has to do it himself either through getting help, either psychological or spiritual, or through life experience. He knows this. He knows this through and through. There is no need to tell him. This was your fear when he was in Denver. I don't believe it is true. You would have never thought he would have come home. He did. I believe you will have a lifetime relationship with Josh, if you want it. But you've got to let go and let him work this out. That has to be okay with you. That's when Josh gets so enraged. When he feels you're not okay with letting him be, growing up. He can't stand it when he feels you're dependent upon something from him. Rightly or wrongly he seems to experience it as controlling or manipulating. Those feelings of worthlessness and being a failure are your own psychological baggage. Your son's life is his business. His feelings are his own. He has a right to them without your being crushed. Josh has lots of things to deal with. Like my own son. Adoption. Race. Growing up. Mental illness. None of these things are a reflection on you or me. When we personalize them we complicate an already difficult situation. I want you to feel relief that Josh is going. It's the right thing for him to do. He needs to do it and wants to do it. Your feelings he doesn't love you are your baggage, not his. I believe he loves you. He's struggling now and can't get out from under. There is hope here. You have your faith. You know what to do. You did not fail. You've been there for Josh every step of the way. You've loved him unconditionally. He knows all of this. Acknowledge yourself for the wonderful person and mother that you are. It's true. [/QUOTE]
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