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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663949" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There are several bullet points here. The first is objective and present danger. Do you believe you are in imminent danger now?</p><p></p><p>If so, what do you need to do to protect yourself? Call the police and make a plan? Move from your home? If you are in danger...something needs to be done. Now.</p><p></p><p>The second bullet point is the pain you suffer trying to grasp that your son would kill you.</p><p>It was the illness that has taken possession of your son, not your son. Your son is dominated and controlled by the illness. Your son who loves you is still there, but not reachable without treatment.</p><p></p><p>Third, your intrapsychic coming to terms with these realities. This is the realm of your therapist and your therapeutic relationship. Anything anybody says here has to be viewed through doubting eyes.</p><p></p><p>This is what I hope I would tell myself:</p><p></p><p>Part one is coming to grips with the reality of the threat and danger. What we need to do to accept that danger and protect yourself accordingly.</p><p></p><p>Part two is dealing with the residual trauma itself, what we are calling the symptoms of PTSD.</p><p></p><p>By reading the stories of dead mothers, I see what you are doing. You are trying to force yourself to accept the reality of the danger you were in and still may be in.</p><p></p><p>Doing this may be reactivating PTSD symptoms.</p><p></p><p>Let me put it another way: Forcing oneself to see objective danger, may itself be terrorizing.</p><p></p><p>Could you talk to your therapist about doing that flooding in therapy only, where you have support and somebody who can help you stay in the here and now?</p><p></p><p>This is my take: There is a need here to throw down a gauntlet. To decide, on faith, that you acted responsibly and necessarily.</p><p></p><p>I was in danger. I acted to protect everybody.</p><p></p><p>To make this decision, independent of certainty. Independent of feelings, independent of data and corroboration.</p><p></p><p>Because who you are is a loving and committed and responsible Mother. Give yourself this. You would never have acted irresponsibly or precipitously. You did not. By mandate. Tell yourself that.</p><p></p><p>This decision entails whether or not you will hold faith with yourself. Whether you will honor your need to be safe and feel safe. Now.</p><p></p><p>Now it seems you are putting the cart before the horse. You are demanding of yourself absolute proof....in order to believe in yourself.</p><p></p><p>The decision must be made that you deserve to be valued and treated with compassion and self-care and self-protection. Now. This second. By mandate.</p><p></p><p>If you decide to do this, all of these agonies can be put to rest, for right now. It may not happen right away, and it may not put them to rest for a long time, but I believe deciding will help. Because now you do not have all the answers. You are in a spiral of self-doubt and uncertainty. It can go nowhere good, right now.</p><p></p><p>You can decide, like a good Mother to yourself, that xx, xx, and xx is not good for you. Or xx, xxx, xxx is.</p><p></p><p>Does reviewing the narrative...whatever...undermine your tranquility or reinforce your strength and resolve? You can decide that.</p><p></p><p>With the help of your therapist, you can decide.</p><p></p><p>Like a good mother would do. You are a good mother.</p><p></p><p>All of these things happened:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You can decide to honor and protect yourself. To soothe yourself. To rest. </p><p></p><p>You can decide what kinds of thoughts and actions would be those that will help or hurt you. You have some control here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663949, member: 18958"] There are several bullet points here. The first is objective and present danger. Do you believe you are in imminent danger now? If so, what do you need to do to protect yourself? Call the police and make a plan? Move from your home? If you are in danger...something needs to be done. Now. The second bullet point is the pain you suffer trying to grasp that your son would kill you. It was the illness that has taken possession of your son, not your son. Your son is dominated and controlled by the illness. Your son who loves you is still there, but not reachable without treatment. Third, your intrapsychic coming to terms with these realities. This is the realm of your therapist and your therapeutic relationship. Anything anybody says here has to be viewed through doubting eyes. This is what I hope I would tell myself: Part one is coming to grips with the reality of the threat and danger. What we need to do to accept that danger and protect yourself accordingly. Part two is dealing with the residual trauma itself, what we are calling the symptoms of PTSD. By reading the stories of dead mothers, I see what you are doing. You are trying to force yourself to accept the reality of the danger you were in and still may be in. Doing this may be reactivating PTSD symptoms. Let me put it another way: Forcing oneself to see objective danger, may itself be terrorizing. Could you talk to your therapist about doing that flooding in therapy only, where you have support and somebody who can help you stay in the here and now? This is my take: There is a need here to throw down a gauntlet. To decide, on faith, that you acted responsibly and necessarily. I was in danger. I acted to protect everybody. To make this decision, independent of certainty. Independent of feelings, independent of data and corroboration. Because who you are is a loving and committed and responsible Mother. Give yourself this. You would never have acted irresponsibly or precipitously. You did not. By mandate. Tell yourself that. This decision entails whether or not you will hold faith with yourself. Whether you will honor your need to be safe and feel safe. Now. Now it seems you are putting the cart before the horse. You are demanding of yourself absolute proof....in order to believe in yourself. The decision must be made that you deserve to be valued and treated with compassion and self-care and self-protection. Now. This second. By mandate. If you decide to do this, all of these agonies can be put to rest, for right now. It may not happen right away, and it may not put them to rest for a long time, but I believe deciding will help. Because now you do not have all the answers. You are in a spiral of self-doubt and uncertainty. It can go nowhere good, right now. You can decide, like a good Mother to yourself, that xx, xx, and xx is not good for you. Or xx, xxx, xxx is. Does reviewing the narrative...whatever...undermine your tranquility or reinforce your strength and resolve? You can decide that. With the help of your therapist, you can decide. Like a good mother would do. You are a good mother. All of these things happened: You can decide to honor and protect yourself. To soothe yourself. To rest. You can decide what kinds of thoughts and actions would be those that will help or hurt you. You have some control here. [/QUOTE]
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