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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 665548" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Hi. I wanted to check in with my friends at this site. You are helping me immensely in this difficult ordeal.</p><p></p><p>Yes. Dealing with the not knowing is sheer torture. I do not know how my son is doing or where he is. He cannot contact me for 5 years because of the restraining order. Even, without that in place, he has only called me 3 times in the last 9 years while he lived at home. He is afraid of being spied upon. Being taken out of the house by 5 officers was his worst nightmare being realized. He was very afraid of people. He would run to his room if a car came. We had no guests for the last 6 years.</p><p></p><p>My fears is that he wove the incident into his delusions...With me as the main character, of course, in the plot against him. I had no other choice because of safety issues. Like Copa said, by "mandate". It has also been mentioned that I needed to take a stand to keep my other son safe.</p><p></p><p>I stopped reading about mothers being hurt or killed by their sons. I was trying not to numb out. I am now realizing that the cracking the bottle incident was not a joke when my ill son then held it out and threatened me. I wake up at night in my sleep screaming because of a nightmare about it. Sometimes, I calmly wake up in the middle of the night and think I see a shadow of someone in my bedroom and scream. I now sleep with a nightlight. I wish I had a SO. I stopped going to the severe therapist. She was too pessimistic about the future. The nicer therapist said that it is my ptsd. I guess that I am not numbing out as much...</p><p></p><p>My son displayed some negative cognitive deficits due to his schizophrenia. He was gifted and 4 years advanced all through school. He told me that a dog is a mammal... At times, he seemed young. The illness makes it more difficult to reason and plan, and interferes with short term memory. This is why I wanted to keep him safe. I do not want people to take advantage, bully, tease, or hurt him. Also, I am very concerned about the very real threat of suicide. My paternal grandmother's brother killed himself in his 30's. The facilitator of the NAMI support group's schizophrenic son killed himself at 17.</p><p></p><p>I would love it if my son called, but I know that he won't. I do not know if he ever will. I hope that on some level, he realizes what caused me to have to call the police and pursue a restraining order. My nicer therapist thinks that he does..and that he is staying away because he doesn't want to hurt me.</p><p></p><p>I started school. This was the main reason that I am writing tonight. It is so very difficult. No one there knows what happened or about my ill son. There is too much stigma being an elementary school teacher with a possibly very violent son.</p><p></p><p>I feel very, very fragile. I am on automatic mode. People keep complementing me on my new slimmer figure. I keep wondering...can't they see how sad I am? My job is quite stressful and challenging. I feel that I am not able to concentrate as well probably due to lack of sleep and perseveration. I feel like l could cry at any moment. I am the only teacher who does not have air conditioning. It stopped at 9 A.M. on the first day. It did the same last year and it took 3 weeks to repair.</p><p></p><p>But enough of the bad news...I love my class. Even the difficult behavior or learning disabilities are challenging me. This is my forte. I am able to work for awhile without thinking about my ill son. I am forced to focus on something else. At times...I have even laughed. I have already worked hard for a new student that needs specialized instruction. I still feel bad...actually mad that I was not able to illicit help for my ill son. But I will carry on...one day at a time and calmly say, "Thank you" when someone compliments my loss of weight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 665548, member: 19245"] Hi. I wanted to check in with my friends at this site. You are helping me immensely in this difficult ordeal. Yes. Dealing with the not knowing is sheer torture. I do not know how my son is doing or where he is. He cannot contact me for 5 years because of the restraining order. Even, without that in place, he has only called me 3 times in the last 9 years while he lived at home. He is afraid of being spied upon. Being taken out of the house by 5 officers was his worst nightmare being realized. He was very afraid of people. He would run to his room if a car came. We had no guests for the last 6 years. My fears is that he wove the incident into his delusions...With me as the main character, of course, in the plot against him. I had no other choice because of safety issues. Like Copa said, by "mandate". It has also been mentioned that I needed to take a stand to keep my other son safe. I stopped reading about mothers being hurt or killed by their sons. I was trying not to numb out. I am now realizing that the cracking the bottle incident was not a joke when my ill son then held it out and threatened me. I wake up at night in my sleep screaming because of a nightmare about it. Sometimes, I calmly wake up in the middle of the night and think I see a shadow of someone in my bedroom and scream. I now sleep with a nightlight. I wish I had a SO. I stopped going to the severe therapist. She was too pessimistic about the future. The nicer therapist said that it is my ptsd. I guess that I am not numbing out as much... My son displayed some negative cognitive deficits due to his schizophrenia. He was gifted and 4 years advanced all through school. He told me that a dog is a mammal... At times, he seemed young. The illness makes it more difficult to reason and plan, and interferes with short term memory. This is why I wanted to keep him safe. I do not want people to take advantage, bully, tease, or hurt him. Also, I am very concerned about the very real threat of suicide. My paternal grandmother's brother killed himself in his 30's. The facilitator of the NAMI support group's schizophrenic son killed himself at 17. I would love it if my son called, but I know that he won't. I do not know if he ever will. I hope that on some level, he realizes what caused me to have to call the police and pursue a restraining order. My nicer therapist thinks that he does..and that he is staying away because he doesn't want to hurt me. I started school. This was the main reason that I am writing tonight. It is so very difficult. No one there knows what happened or about my ill son. There is too much stigma being an elementary school teacher with a possibly very violent son. I feel very, very fragile. I am on automatic mode. People keep complementing me on my new slimmer figure. I keep wondering...can't they see how sad I am? My job is quite stressful and challenging. I feel that I am not able to concentrate as well probably due to lack of sleep and perseveration. I feel like l could cry at any moment. I am the only teacher who does not have air conditioning. It stopped at 9 A.M. on the first day. It did the same last year and it took 3 weeks to repair. But enough of the bad news...I love my class. Even the difficult behavior or learning disabilities are challenging me. This is my forte. I am able to work for awhile without thinking about my ill son. I am forced to focus on something else. At times...I have even laughed. I have already worked hard for a new student that needs specialized instruction. I still feel bad...actually mad that I was not able to illicit help for my ill son. But I will carry on...one day at a time and calmly say, "Thank you" when someone compliments my loss of weight. [/QUOTE]
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