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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665550" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you for checking in with us. Congratulations on letting go the harsh therapist. My last session will be Monday. I let my therapist go too.</p><p></p><p>I am glad for you that you have your work. Especially that you can help others. And rise above your own grief when you do so. Try not to be self-conscious, although I know how hard it is. One of the reasons I have not gone back to work is the fear of looking and being vulnerable. But I tell myself that the reality is that people work amidst all kinds of misery. I went to the Pulmonologist Friday and the nurse cried. She was grieving a family member. Actually, I envied her having her work. I think I have hid out too long. </p><p></p><p>Life is what it is. Nobody escapes.</p><p></p><p>You were living in a prison. No guests in 6 years? Suppressing fear of violent attack?</p><p></p><p>Your son chose to not hurt you all of those years. I believe that. He loves you. And his love for you made him fight to maintain a sane, observing part of himself...despite increasing pressure. Both of you went as far as you could go.</p><p></p><p>There are so many possible outcomes. Not all of them are bad. I have worked with paranoid schizophrenics. They were stable enough to make a relationship with me and find some contentment in their lives.</p><p></p><p>Who knows what any of us has in store?</p><p></p><p>You know you had no choice.</p><p></p><p>Grieving takes a long, long time. I am grieving the loss of my mother, and the loss of ever having had her as the mother I wanted. Will this hurt last until I die? I do not know. Will my son begin to take his antiviral medicine or will I have to watch my son die before me, and grieve him my whole life? I do not know.</p><p></p><p>I have to live with fear and pain every day. Like you do.</p><p></p><p>We have only one life. I plan to try to live my life in layers. Of course there will be the current of pain, and grief and fear. But I plan to look for contentment, and happiness and fulfillment and meaning. And a whole lot of fun.</p><p></p><p>We have to pay the piper. Everybody. But we can decide to live fully, too.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, I am giving this grieving as much time as it needs.</p><p></p><p>When I first came to this site I was really, really hard on myself. I have changed. Whatever I need is OK. For you, too. Keep posting. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665550, member: 18958"] Thank you for checking in with us. Congratulations on letting go the harsh therapist. My last session will be Monday. I let my therapist go too. I am glad for you that you have your work. Especially that you can help others. And rise above your own grief when you do so. Try not to be self-conscious, although I know how hard it is. One of the reasons I have not gone back to work is the fear of looking and being vulnerable. But I tell myself that the reality is that people work amidst all kinds of misery. I went to the Pulmonologist Friday and the nurse cried. She was grieving a family member. Actually, I envied her having her work. I think I have hid out too long. Life is what it is. Nobody escapes. You were living in a prison. No guests in 6 years? Suppressing fear of violent attack? Your son chose to not hurt you all of those years. I believe that. He loves you. And his love for you made him fight to maintain a sane, observing part of himself...despite increasing pressure. Both of you went as far as you could go. There are so many possible outcomes. Not all of them are bad. I have worked with paranoid schizophrenics. They were stable enough to make a relationship with me and find some contentment in their lives. Who knows what any of us has in store? You know you had no choice. Grieving takes a long, long time. I am grieving the loss of my mother, and the loss of ever having had her as the mother I wanted. Will this hurt last until I die? I do not know. Will my son begin to take his antiviral medicine or will I have to watch my son die before me, and grieve him my whole life? I do not know. I have to live with fear and pain every day. Like you do. We have only one life. I plan to try to live my life in layers. Of course there will be the current of pain, and grief and fear. But I plan to look for contentment, and happiness and fulfillment and meaning. And a whole lot of fun. We have to pay the piper. Everybody. But we can decide to live fully, too. Meanwhile, I am giving this grieving as much time as it needs. When I first came to this site I was really, really hard on myself. I have changed. Whatever I need is OK. For you, too. Keep posting. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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