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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 665620" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Feeling Sad, thank you for the update about you and about him.</p><p></p><p>Living in the uncertainty is very hard. It is so hard that we will do anything to try to make things "more certain." We think if we know things, then we can do something about it.</p><p></p><p>I gently want to disagree with Copa's suggestion that you become a private investigator or hire a private investigator.</p><p></p><p>As you so well know, having been there and done that already, knowing doesn't change the situation. Nothing will change the situation until our beloved adult children want to get help. Nothing will change our own situations until we want to get help.</p><p></p><p>Most of us find this site when we are completely spent and broken and filled with despair, fear and exhaustion. Nothing we have ever tried has worked, and we are ready for help.</p><p></p><p>That is a great day, a really great day, when we are truly ready for help.</p><p></p><p>We are without any other resources to help ourselves. And sometimes, we are ready to accept our powerlessness. But often, we turn it over and we take it back, again and again. Because even though we know we can't do anything to change things---we know because we have already tried and tried and tried---and then we read the stories here of so many others who have tried and tried and tried, just like we have---and their outcomes are the same---but even though our minds hear this and accept it, we still can't let go.</p><p></p><p>Because letting go isn't purely an intellectual exercise. It is a process. It is a journey. It takes time, and work, and doing things differently, and learning how to let go. It does not come naturally at all, for any of us.</p><p></p><p>The task is this, for most of us: learning how to let go. Learning how to accept our own powerlessness over all other people, places and things. We are not helpless---but we are powerless. </p><p></p><p>There is so much help for us. That is what this site is all about. Listening and learning and stumbling and falling down and getting back up to try again...all with the help of people who so understand because they are walking the same path. </p><p></p><p>Living with uncertainty is something nobody ever wants to accept, and something nobody ever wants to get good at. We love to KNOW. </p><p></p><p>But when you take a giant step back, you and I can see clearly that we, all of us, all of us are living with uncertainty every minute of every day.</p><p></p><p>The only thing we really have is...this very moment.</p><p></p><p>There are no guarantees about anything else. </p><p></p><p>Accepting this...living into it...is the pathway to peace, joy, serenity and contentment and to being happy.</p><p></p><p>It can be done. It can happen, regardless of what your son does or does not do. That doesn't mean you will ever stop loving him or caring about him or helping him when the time comes that you decide you want to help him. It just means you can be happy in your own life---at the same time---that he is still struggling.</p><p></p><p>I never thought that would be possible, but I have learned that it is possible. And it is the best lesson I have ever learned in my life, learning to let go of things I can't control.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs today. You are walking through the forest and it's a hard walk, but you are walking forward. You are doing it. We're here for you, every step of the way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 665620, member: 17542"] Feeling Sad, thank you for the update about you and about him. Living in the uncertainty is very hard. It is so hard that we will do anything to try to make things "more certain." We think if we know things, then we can do something about it. I gently want to disagree with Copa's suggestion that you become a private investigator or hire a private investigator. As you so well know, having been there and done that already, knowing doesn't change the situation. Nothing will change the situation until our beloved adult children want to get help. Nothing will change our own situations until we want to get help. Most of us find this site when we are completely spent and broken and filled with despair, fear and exhaustion. Nothing we have ever tried has worked, and we are ready for help. That is a great day, a really great day, when we are truly ready for help. We are without any other resources to help ourselves. And sometimes, we are ready to accept our powerlessness. But often, we turn it over and we take it back, again and again. Because even though we know we can't do anything to change things---we know because we have already tried and tried and tried---and then we read the stories here of so many others who have tried and tried and tried, just like we have---and their outcomes are the same---but even though our minds hear this and accept it, we still can't let go. Because letting go isn't purely an intellectual exercise. It is a process. It is a journey. It takes time, and work, and doing things differently, and learning how to let go. It does not come naturally at all, for any of us. The task is this, for most of us: learning how to let go. Learning how to accept our own powerlessness over all other people, places and things. We are not helpless---but we are powerless. There is so much help for us. That is what this site is all about. Listening and learning and stumbling and falling down and getting back up to try again...all with the help of people who so understand because they are walking the same path. Living with uncertainty is something nobody ever wants to accept, and something nobody ever wants to get good at. We love to KNOW. But when you take a giant step back, you and I can see clearly that we, all of us, all of us are living with uncertainty every minute of every day. The only thing we really have is...this very moment. There are no guarantees about anything else. Accepting this...living into it...is the pathway to peace, joy, serenity and contentment and to being happy. It can be done. It can happen, regardless of what your son does or does not do. That doesn't mean you will ever stop loving him or caring about him or helping him when the time comes that you decide you want to help him. It just means you can be happy in your own life---at the same time---that he is still struggling. I never thought that would be possible, but I have learned that it is possible. And it is the best lesson I have ever learned in my life, learning to let go of things I can't control. Warm hugs today. You are walking through the forest and it's a hard walk, but you are walking forward. You are doing it. We're here for you, every step of the way. [/QUOTE]
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