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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 665626" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>The difficult part is that because of the restraining order that I had to get, he is not allowed to contact me for 5 years. He just received the temporary order from the officers that day with the court date to finalize it. I do not even know if he knows it is for 5 years. He might treat it like forever. He is very paranoid, especially of our neighbors. They all saw him being escorted out by the police and followed out of our track in his car. He would never want to come back or call again.</p><p></p><p>My youngest son texted him twice on the cell phone we bought him. He is not on the order, but he never responded. He let the phone die. Ten years ago I bought him a cell phone. He never used it and I never saw it again. During the last 10 years, he has never once called my son. He is paranoid that things are bugged for spying. He only called me 3 times.</p><p></p><p>There is never going to be a time that I will be able to decide to help him. It is not in my hands. I cannot decide. The only way that I can help him is through putting money in the bank or if he contacts me, which he is not allowed to do. I would take the call, but he will not call me because of the order and he does not use phones.</p><p></p><p>I have no options here. I also have to respect the order and have no contact. Even if someone found him...then what? He would still not agree to seek treatment and it would only serve to make him hide further away in another state. Also, outside of the shelter or banks, he cannot be traced. People sleep in their cars in residential areas between houses on the street and they change locations daily as to not draw attention.</p><p></p><p>Paranoid schizophrenics kill themselves more with command hallucination than harm or kill others. My youngest son and I are safe...what about him? 1/10 are successful in committing suicide...1/3 try. I cannot choose to help him. Yes, he was not getting better at home, but now I have zero knowledge of his mental or physical health.</p><p></p><p>I had to keep my youngest son safe...from danger and worrying about my safety everyday. He needs to have a normal life. I cannot talk to my youngest son about these worries. He has to feel that the restraining order was the right thing to do. It was the only thing that could be done to keep him safe.</p><p></p><p>I am consumed with fear for my ill son. He is like a child in some ways because of his illness. He hasn't had friends, gone to school, or worked in 10 years. I do not want him to get hurt, hurt someone, or hurt himself. This is why I feel so very guilty. I feel like I failed him. I tried my best...but I failed him. I know that I had no other options, but that does not take away my fears. I feel that if he leaves the area, I will literally fall apart. </p><p></p><p>I felt like crying all day today. As long as he keeps taking money out...I know that he is alive. I will never know that he is not scared. That is all I have. The very last time that I saw my son's face was when he was having a psychotic episode...I don't want to remember him that way.</p><p></p><p>I protected my ill son from his possible violent acts, possible prison, and the possibility of having to live with knowing that he hurt or killed his brother or myself. But, he probably, in his current mental state, doesn't know that this is why I got a restraining order.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 665626, member: 19245"] The difficult part is that because of the restraining order that I had to get, he is not allowed to contact me for 5 years. He just received the temporary order from the officers that day with the court date to finalize it. I do not even know if he knows it is for 5 years. He might treat it like forever. He is very paranoid, especially of our neighbors. They all saw him being escorted out by the police and followed out of our track in his car. He would never want to come back or call again. My youngest son texted him twice on the cell phone we bought him. He is not on the order, but he never responded. He let the phone die. Ten years ago I bought him a cell phone. He never used it and I never saw it again. During the last 10 years, he has never once called my son. He is paranoid that things are bugged for spying. He only called me 3 times. There is never going to be a time that I will be able to decide to help him. It is not in my hands. I cannot decide. The only way that I can help him is through putting money in the bank or if he contacts me, which he is not allowed to do. I would take the call, but he will not call me because of the order and he does not use phones. I have no options here. I also have to respect the order and have no contact. Even if someone found him...then what? He would still not agree to seek treatment and it would only serve to make him hide further away in another state. Also, outside of the shelter or banks, he cannot be traced. People sleep in their cars in residential areas between houses on the street and they change locations daily as to not draw attention. Paranoid schizophrenics kill themselves more with command hallucination than harm or kill others. My youngest son and I are safe...what about him? 1/10 are successful in committing suicide...1/3 try. I cannot choose to help him. Yes, he was not getting better at home, but now I have zero knowledge of his mental or physical health. I had to keep my youngest son safe...from danger and worrying about my safety everyday. He needs to have a normal life. I cannot talk to my youngest son about these worries. He has to feel that the restraining order was the right thing to do. It was the only thing that could be done to keep him safe. I am consumed with fear for my ill son. He is like a child in some ways because of his illness. He hasn't had friends, gone to school, or worked in 10 years. I do not want him to get hurt, hurt someone, or hurt himself. This is why I feel so very guilty. I feel like I failed him. I tried my best...but I failed him. I know that I had no other options, but that does not take away my fears. I feel that if he leaves the area, I will literally fall apart. I felt like crying all day today. As long as he keeps taking money out...I know that he is alive. I will never know that he is not scared. That is all I have. The very last time that I saw my son's face was when he was having a psychotic episode...I don't want to remember him that way. I protected my ill son from his possible violent acts, possible prison, and the possibility of having to live with knowing that he hurt or killed his brother or myself. But, he probably, in his current mental state, doesn't know that this is why I got a restraining order. [/QUOTE]
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