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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 666131" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Yes, I know that he probably could not have gotten better here because his violence was not handled always as properly as it should have been by me. He knew that I was afraid for my youngest son's and my safety. Also I did not want more property damaged. Thousands of dollars worth was destroyed. I always lived in fear...and he knew it. </p><p></p><p>He was rewarded for his violent behavior or threats by me backing down and dropping the conversation about seeking treatment...or getting a hobby...or volunteering...or taking a fun non-academic class...or getting counseling to be able to see friends or make new friends.</p><p></p><p>The fact that he was out of touch with reality and had delusions and hallucinations made it exponentially more dangerous.</p><p></p><p>I have been told by several therapists that he had no chance to improve if he could constantly run to his room and continue with his positive behaviors...delusions and hallucinations. While I sheltered him at my house...he was continuing to get worse and his violence was increasing.</p><p></p><p>I have read that schizophrenic adults should only live at home if it is not with a single, ill, or senior parent, that they are in weekly therapy, consistently taking medication, have outside activities such as school, part-time job, volunteer work, or friends outside of their parent, or no younger siblings are AFRAID. </p><p></p><p>Thus, he should not have been living here.</p><p></p><p>This does not make it any easier to accept...</p><p></p><p>I was afraid that if I called the police...that they would not do anything and leave me alone with him. He constantly threatened my life. I even felt if they saw destruction of property that nothing would be done by the police because it did not prove that my life was in danger.</p><p></p><p>The only incident that could have been the impetus for getting police attention was the cracking the wine bottle on the counter and holding it towards my throat. But, he quickly cleaned it up...for the FIRST time ever and there would be no evidence. He would have denied threatening me. Also, my PTSD was in high gear and I was in denial...it was just a sick "joke"...</p><p></p><p>I go to the nicer therapist once a week, until it runs out, and I go to NAMI support groups that meet twice a month.</p><p></p><p>it is very difficult for me to stop worrying because he is not in touch with reality, has persecatory command hallucinations. I know that he is afraid because of these things. He has been paranoid for over 10 years. Yes, it might slightly ebb and flow...but it is not going to go away with treatment.</p><p></p><p>Also, he will not call me. I know my son and his delusions. I will only see him one day if he is in an hospital or jail.</p><p></p><p>I had to get the restraining order to keep my youngest child and myself safe. I just wish that I had...in the beginning, called the police consistently to get a paper trail going before his violence escalated. I know, it is done already. I know that I was numbing out and have, sadly, an extremely high tolerance to violence and fear. I need to accept that and FORGIVE myself...easier said than done...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 666131, member: 19245"] Yes, I know that he probably could not have gotten better here because his violence was not handled always as properly as it should have been by me. He knew that I was afraid for my youngest son's and my safety. Also I did not want more property damaged. Thousands of dollars worth was destroyed. I always lived in fear...and he knew it. He was rewarded for his violent behavior or threats by me backing down and dropping the conversation about seeking treatment...or getting a hobby...or volunteering...or taking a fun non-academic class...or getting counseling to be able to see friends or make new friends. The fact that he was out of touch with reality and had delusions and hallucinations made it exponentially more dangerous. I have been told by several therapists that he had no chance to improve if he could constantly run to his room and continue with his positive behaviors...delusions and hallucinations. While I sheltered him at my house...he was continuing to get worse and his violence was increasing. I have read that schizophrenic adults should only live at home if it is not with a single, ill, or senior parent, that they are in weekly therapy, consistently taking medication, have outside activities such as school, part-time job, volunteer work, or friends outside of their parent, or no younger siblings are AFRAID. Thus, he should not have been living here. This does not make it any easier to accept... I was afraid that if I called the police...that they would not do anything and leave me alone with him. He constantly threatened my life. I even felt if they saw destruction of property that nothing would be done by the police because it did not prove that my life was in danger. The only incident that could have been the impetus for getting police attention was the cracking the wine bottle on the counter and holding it towards my throat. But, he quickly cleaned it up...for the FIRST time ever and there would be no evidence. He would have denied threatening me. Also, my PTSD was in high gear and I was in denial...it was just a sick "joke"... I go to the nicer therapist once a week, until it runs out, and I go to NAMI support groups that meet twice a month. it is very difficult for me to stop worrying because he is not in touch with reality, has persecatory command hallucinations. I know that he is afraid because of these things. He has been paranoid for over 10 years. Yes, it might slightly ebb and flow...but it is not going to go away with treatment. Also, he will not call me. I know my son and his delusions. I will only see him one day if he is in an hospital or jail. I had to get the restraining order to keep my youngest child and myself safe. I just wish that I had...in the beginning, called the police consistently to get a paper trail going before his violence escalated. I know, it is done already. I know that I was numbing out and have, sadly, an extremely high tolerance to violence and fear. I need to accept that and FORGIVE myself...easier said than done... [/QUOTE]
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