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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 666141" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Pasa, I just read that you are going through something similar...that you fear your son. I am so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.</p><p></p><p>Yes, you did the right thing! It takes a lot if strength to not allow him back. You are in extreme fear. Do not let your motherly feelings of helping or or being responsible for him get in the way.</p><p></p><p>Your are in danger and you need to throw the responsibility back onto the facility and the police. He will get help from them...not at home with you living in extreme fear for your life.</p><p></p><p>I know of 4 cases in NAMI support groups where the same exact thing is going on right now. They are being constantly hounded to bring them back home when when their lives have been threatened. They want you to take ownership of the problem.</p><p></p><p>I know now that your son is out. Stand firm. He will then be the problem of the police and mental health department. He will receive help when he acts violently in public. He abused your rules...he CAN'T abuse society's rules.</p><p></p><p>I am now very well-read on the issue of adult children who threaten your life.</p><p></p><p>Kristina Randle, PhD., Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) wrote something perfect for us. "Your son is very unstable and has threatened your life. Your question was regarding whether you made the correct choice in deciding to stop contact. Your son threatened you. I am not sure if it's possible to have a functional relationship with an individual who is as mentally unstable as you describe. Even if you wanted to have a relationship, the behavior and actions seem to make this connection impossible. Your son said that he'd try to kill you. What CHOICE did you have in this mater? What else could you have done except stop interacting with him. He threatened your life. Even if he was not serious about killing you, what type of relationship is possible between you and your son? The man who threatened your life? The fact that he is currently off medication makes this situation even more precarious and potentially DANGEROUS. You seem to have NO other alternative than to end this relationship with your son, at least for the present time. Your SON has essentially FORCED you to end contact with you. It seems that you had no other option. I know that this reality may be difficult to accept. He is unable to engage in such a connection. This is probably due to his psychological issues. It might not always be this way. It is possible that your relationship will improve over time. But at this point, it is IMPORTANT to see reality and learn to live with this loss. From a mental health perspective perhaps this outcome benefits you. The stress associated with his chaotic life only further complicates your life. You are living with your own stresses.</p><p></p><p>Pasa, you wrote me to help me with wonderful words of support...even while you were going through Hell yourself! Please, my dear friend, stay safe. We have a lot of things in common...I think that you are a special education teacher, divorced, and have 3 children.</p><p></p><p>I know of 6 murders by mentally ill adults just from the therapists that I have seen and people in the NAMI support groups. It is a possibility. Stay vigilante.</p><p></p><p>My youngest son is going to Silicone Valley for a week for a class. He has 3 Cisco certifications in networking. I am starting to feel petrified to be left alone...and he is not leaving for a month!</p><p></p><p>We will both get through this. We are smart and STRONG!!!</p><p></p><p>Take care, my friend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 666141, member: 19245"] Pasa, I just read that you are going through something similar...that you fear your son. I am so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. Yes, you did the right thing! It takes a lot if strength to not allow him back. You are in extreme fear. Do not let your motherly feelings of helping or or being responsible for him get in the way. Your are in danger and you need to throw the responsibility back onto the facility and the police. He will get help from them...not at home with you living in extreme fear for your life. I know of 4 cases in NAMI support groups where the same exact thing is going on right now. They are being constantly hounded to bring them back home when when their lives have been threatened. They want you to take ownership of the problem. I know now that your son is out. Stand firm. He will then be the problem of the police and mental health department. He will receive help when he acts violently in public. He abused your rules...he CAN'T abuse society's rules. I am now very well-read on the issue of adult children who threaten your life. Kristina Randle, PhD., Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) wrote something perfect for us. "Your son is very unstable and has threatened your life. Your question was regarding whether you made the correct choice in deciding to stop contact. Your son threatened you. I am not sure if it's possible to have a functional relationship with an individual who is as mentally unstable as you describe. Even if you wanted to have a relationship, the behavior and actions seem to make this connection impossible. Your son said that he'd try to kill you. What CHOICE did you have in this mater? What else could you have done except stop interacting with him. He threatened your life. Even if he was not serious about killing you, what type of relationship is possible between you and your son? The man who threatened your life? The fact that he is currently off medication makes this situation even more precarious and potentially DANGEROUS. You seem to have NO other alternative than to end this relationship with your son, at least for the present time. Your SON has essentially FORCED you to end contact with you. It seems that you had no other option. I know that this reality may be difficult to accept. He is unable to engage in such a connection. This is probably due to his psychological issues. It might not always be this way. It is possible that your relationship will improve over time. But at this point, it is IMPORTANT to see reality and learn to live with this loss. From a mental health perspective perhaps this outcome benefits you. The stress associated with his chaotic life only further complicates your life. You are living with your own stresses. Pasa, you wrote me to help me with wonderful words of support...even while you were going through Hell yourself! Please, my dear friend, stay safe. We have a lot of things in common...I think that you are a special education teacher, divorced, and have 3 children. I know of 6 murders by mentally ill adults just from the therapists that I have seen and people in the NAMI support groups. It is a possibility. Stay vigilante. My youngest son is going to Silicone Valley for a week for a class. He has 3 Cisco certifications in networking. I am starting to feel petrified to be left alone...and he is not leaving for a month! We will both get through this. We are smart and STRONG!!! Take care, my friend. [/QUOTE]
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