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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 668050" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am in many ways in your shoes. My son is adopted. His parents were both mentally ill and drug addicted. When he was 19 we discovered by accident that he had had Hepatitis B since birth. While he was still at home he went on antivirals. Since he has been gone, now 4 years, he took them for a short time only.</p><p></p><p>He believes he can control the virus by a diet high in Omega 3. He is at risk for being dropped by the university liver clinic where he is followed because he has missed 3 times. Yesterday he told me he was not going to his appointment because it is on the same day he expects terrible earthquakes and he will not cross the bridge. I told him: "You have a mortal illness. It is a certainty that if you do not get treatment, the virus is damaging your liver." He told me he will not talk to me any more.</p><p></p><p>It feels sometimes like my own life is dependent upon him. I do not know how I will survive if he does not. I know that I am better. But when I think of some future time, when he has liver cancer or cirrhosis and I know he is dying....</p><p></p><p>I need him to go to the liver clinic and to start back on his antivirals.</p><p></p><p>After the call M my SO told me, "you are like a fighter who is fighting outside of the ring." How much of a chance do you think you have of winning the fight? You are fighting outside of the arena. You have no control.</p><p></p><p>You are in the same situation, FS. No matter how much we suffer and flail against destiny, neither you nor I can change "life itself." The only difference is DNA and the birth process. Do you really think that my suffering will be less than yours when and if my son goes downhill?</p><p>My son did not deserve this. Nor did I. Nor did you. What does deserve have to do with anything?</p><p></p><p>Your suffering does not one thing to change the course of things, except to make you suffer. Until you and I understand and accept that we have no control any longer, we will suffer and deprive ourselves of a full life. For what?</p><p></p><p>You did not have children to visit disease onto them. Sometimes I question my decision to adopt my son. Did I do wrong exposing him to a good life, to life's possibility when his destiny was to be homeless and mentally ill and to die of a illness transmitted to him by the lifestyle choices of his parents? What was it all for?</p><p></p><p>See? Two can play this game, FS. The reality? It is not your fault. You did not cause it. And to me: You cannot control it or cure it. It is not our fault. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. That we do not want. That is what is true here. You are not the disease. Nor am I.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 668050, member: 18958"] I am in many ways in your shoes. My son is adopted. His parents were both mentally ill and drug addicted. When he was 19 we discovered by accident that he had had Hepatitis B since birth. While he was still at home he went on antivirals. Since he has been gone, now 4 years, he took them for a short time only. He believes he can control the virus by a diet high in Omega 3. He is at risk for being dropped by the university liver clinic where he is followed because he has missed 3 times. Yesterday he told me he was not going to his appointment because it is on the same day he expects terrible earthquakes and he will not cross the bridge. I told him: "You have a mortal illness. It is a certainty that if you do not get treatment, the virus is damaging your liver." He told me he will not talk to me any more. It feels sometimes like my own life is dependent upon him. I do not know how I will survive if he does not. I know that I am better. But when I think of some future time, when he has liver cancer or cirrhosis and I know he is dying.... I need him to go to the liver clinic and to start back on his antivirals. After the call M my SO told me, "you are like a fighter who is fighting outside of the ring." How much of a chance do you think you have of winning the fight? You are fighting outside of the arena. You have no control. You are in the same situation, FS. No matter how much we suffer and flail against destiny, neither you nor I can change "life itself." The only difference is DNA and the birth process. Do you really think that my suffering will be less than yours when and if my son goes downhill? My son did not deserve this. Nor did I. Nor did you. What does deserve have to do with anything? Your suffering does not one thing to change the course of things, except to make you suffer. Until you and I understand and accept that we have no control any longer, we will suffer and deprive ourselves of a full life. For what? You did not have children to visit disease onto them. Sometimes I question my decision to adopt my son. Did I do wrong exposing him to a good life, to life's possibility when his destiny was to be homeless and mentally ill and to die of a illness transmitted to him by the lifestyle choices of his parents? What was it all for? See? Two can play this game, FS. The reality? It is not your fault. You did not cause it. And to me: You cannot control it or cure it. It is not our fault. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. That we do not want. That is what is true here. You are not the disease. Nor am I. [/QUOTE]
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