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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 668287" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi FS,</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your kind words. While I was reading your post I thought of this: You are talking profoundly of something way bigger than all of us. You are talking about MOTHER LOVE. When I first started here Cedar told me to go to images.google.com and to google the Virgin Mary. She told me to look at her eyes and I would see my own. I did. I felt peace.</p><p></p><p>I think a way to find momentary peace is to celebrate the love G-d has given me to love my son. When the worry and the agony hit me, to find the love in myself and to realize that without my son I would never have known this, and shared this beautiful desolation with you. I have only one child.</p><p></p><p>My son told me this week in a phone call (he was expecting yesterday the end of the world in some form or another): He told me he loved me. He told me, if I return to live another life, I would want to have the same life I have had. I just wouldn't want all the other stuff (his euphemism for mental illness). While I think he might have been referring in large part to living abroad and all the travel we did, I think he meant me. What he would want to return to is having been loved in such a way by a mother, that made him feel he was absolutely essential to her very survival, and her essence.</p><p></p><p>Your ill son knows he is loved by you like that.</p><p></p><p>And you know deep in your heart that wanting to protect yourself from your son's demons is not the same thing as wanting to hurt him. Your son knows more than you that he can be guided by a force that is not his own will. (By the way, your description of him before his illness touched my heart.)</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 668287, member: 18958"] Hi FS, Thank you for your kind words. While I was reading your post I thought of this: You are talking profoundly of something way bigger than all of us. You are talking about MOTHER LOVE. When I first started here Cedar told me to go to images.google.com and to google the Virgin Mary. She told me to look at her eyes and I would see my own. I did. I felt peace. I think a way to find momentary peace is to celebrate the love G-d has given me to love my son. When the worry and the agony hit me, to find the love in myself and to realize that without my son I would never have known this, and shared this beautiful desolation with you. I have only one child. My son told me this week in a phone call (he was expecting yesterday the end of the world in some form or another): He told me he loved me. He told me, if I return to live another life, I would want to have the same life I have had. I just wouldn't want all the other stuff (his euphemism for mental illness). While I think he might have been referring in large part to living abroad and all the travel we did, I think he meant me. What he would want to return to is having been loved in such a way by a mother, that made him feel he was absolutely essential to her very survival, and her essence. Your ill son knows he is loved by you like that. And you know deep in your heart that wanting to protect yourself from your son's demons is not the same thing as wanting to hurt him. Your son knows more than you that he can be guided by a force that is not his own will. (By the way, your description of him before his illness touched my heart.) COPA [/QUOTE]
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