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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 668306" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Copa. I forgot to mention how beautiful that was that your son would not want to change you as his mother. That is a good as it gets. Cherish it. That is pure 'son' love.</p><p></p><p>Why did he think that the world was going to end? Did he read it or was it his own thought? How frustrating for you...you want him to see the doctor for his liver. It is so difficult just to stand by and let them make their own choices...good or bad.</p><p></p><p>When I was dating my first husband, my mother was trying to make me stop. He was my first boyfriend and was older. He is Japanese and a Vietnam vet. She said that he was a different race, not college educated, and came from a poor area. The more she tore him down...The more I was driven to him. I was not being oppositional, but rather, it made it him and me against the world... He had 11 of the 14 criteria for being mentally disturbed that I had just learned in my college class. G_d had sent him to be. It was ordained. I was going to love and help him....right!</p><p></p><p>I do not regret marrying him. I have 3 wonderful sons. You are right, Copa, I am truly blessed to know all 3, the good and the bad. I guess I am trying to say that I wanted to decide my future and not do what my mom told me I should. Her views were prejudiced, but still, all the same, they were her ideas. It was my life. </p><p></p><p>I did not see the violence yet, just under-currents. When he did become violent, I never told my parents. My therapist thinks it was because they never protected me from violence. I think that it was because they would feel that it was my fault. My mother, as a child, gave me a B+ in looks. When I received a 98% on a test, my father would inquire, "What happened?"</p><p></p><p>I have to live with the guilt of staying married too long. I tried to get out several times. I was not afraid, but I guess that the 'child' in me was. I did not help my children staying so long. He kept promising therapy and would stalk me. My sons wanted me to stay at first. My mom, would send me back. She told me to put on fresh nake-up and keep the kids quiet. He only ate with us twice in 12 years at the table. I sad that he had a 'temper'...A violent 'temper'. The day my sons said to leave him I did. My mother never told the relatives. Twenty years later I still get cards with his last name.</p><p></p><p>Copa, did your son go today? You are blessed to be able to hear his voice. That is big! Yes, the conversations might be tenuous, but you can hear your son. Write down what he said or texted to you about not changing things. That will carry you through 'leaner' times... Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 668306, member: 19245"] Copa. I forgot to mention how beautiful that was that your son would not want to change you as his mother. That is a good as it gets. Cherish it. That is pure 'son' love. Why did he think that the world was going to end? Did he read it or was it his own thought? How frustrating for you...you want him to see the doctor for his liver. It is so difficult just to stand by and let them make their own choices...good or bad. When I was dating my first husband, my mother was trying to make me stop. He was my first boyfriend and was older. He is Japanese and a Vietnam vet. She said that he was a different race, not college educated, and came from a poor area. The more she tore him down...The more I was driven to him. I was not being oppositional, but rather, it made it him and me against the world... He had 11 of the 14 criteria for being mentally disturbed that I had just learned in my college class. G_d had sent him to be. It was ordained. I was going to love and help him....right! I do not regret marrying him. I have 3 wonderful sons. You are right, Copa, I am truly blessed to know all 3, the good and the bad. I guess I am trying to say that I wanted to decide my future and not do what my mom told me I should. Her views were prejudiced, but still, all the same, they were her ideas. It was my life. I did not see the violence yet, just under-currents. When he did become violent, I never told my parents. My therapist thinks it was because they never protected me from violence. I think that it was because they would feel that it was my fault. My mother, as a child, gave me a B+ in looks. When I received a 98% on a test, my father would inquire, "What happened?" I have to live with the guilt of staying married too long. I tried to get out several times. I was not afraid, but I guess that the 'child' in me was. I did not help my children staying so long. He kept promising therapy and would stalk me. My sons wanted me to stay at first. My mom, would send me back. She told me to put on fresh nake-up and keep the kids quiet. He only ate with us twice in 12 years at the table. I sad that he had a 'temper'...A violent 'temper'. The day my sons said to leave him I did. My mother never told the relatives. Twenty years later I still get cards with his last name. Copa, did your son go today? You are blessed to be able to hear his voice. That is big! Yes, the conversations might be tenuous, but you can hear your son. Write down what he said or texted to you about not changing things. That will carry you through 'leaner' times... Take care. [/QUOTE]
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