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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 668387" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Feeling Sad,</p><p></p><p>Cedar helped me a great deal, too. Your update on your son is reassuring.</p><p></p><p>I am sad, too. I am dealing with the need to get up and function to make a life, even though most of me does not want to. Right under the surface is the grief you speak about. I do whatever I can so that I do not feel it. And then, when something scratches below the surface, there it is. Cedar says I need to learn how to integrate it into who I am.</p><p></p><p>I guess that means to not stay in bed and to not do anything I can to not feel it. I think that I have not faced fully what it means that my son will not take his medicine or go even to get his blood work does. I mean, I know that it means that the disease will progress and continue damaging his liver. I have not fully faced that I have no control over keeping my son healthy. I accept that he chooses to not get medical treatment. I just do not know how to accept that he will get ill sooner or later and then it will be too late to help him. And that there is nothing I can do. I have tried everything to influence him, to no avail.</p><p></p><p>I know my son's disease is active. There are some people who are carriers only. And I know he is not among them. I know I have to face that my son may well die while I live.</p><p></p><p>I do not know how to live knowing that. I guess underneath my skin, I want to die first, and I am trying to do what ever I can to kill myself off. Not my body but my spirit.</p><p></p><p>I do not want to live on this earth without my son. Yet, I know it is not something that can be chosen.</p><p></p><p>I know even parents of well children lose them.</p><p></p><p>How did it come where I am facing this? And to have no control over averting this possible fate?</p><p></p><p>I do not know how my life came to this. And yet I do know. But I cannot accept it. Yet. I will not.</p><p></p><p>I guess that is the attitude that is keeping me from living a complete life.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking about Joe Biden. How he got up from his son's death bed to honor his son and his love for him. I guess that is the place I need to find in myself. I am wondering if it is there.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 668387, member: 18958"] Hi Feeling Sad, Cedar helped me a great deal, too. Your update on your son is reassuring. I am sad, too. I am dealing with the need to get up and function to make a life, even though most of me does not want to. Right under the surface is the grief you speak about. I do whatever I can so that I do not feel it. And then, when something scratches below the surface, there it is. Cedar says I need to learn how to integrate it into who I am. I guess that means to not stay in bed and to not do anything I can to not feel it. I think that I have not faced fully what it means that my son will not take his medicine or go even to get his blood work does. I mean, I know that it means that the disease will progress and continue damaging his liver. I have not fully faced that I have no control over keeping my son healthy. I accept that he chooses to not get medical treatment. I just do not know how to accept that he will get ill sooner or later and then it will be too late to help him. And that there is nothing I can do. I have tried everything to influence him, to no avail. I know my son's disease is active. There are some people who are carriers only. And I know he is not among them. I know I have to face that my son may well die while I live. I do not know how to live knowing that. I guess underneath my skin, I want to die first, and I am trying to do what ever I can to kill myself off. Not my body but my spirit. I do not want to live on this earth without my son. Yet, I know it is not something that can be chosen. I know even parents of well children lose them. How did it come where I am facing this? And to have no control over averting this possible fate? I do not know how my life came to this. And yet I do know. But I cannot accept it. Yet. I will not. I guess that is the attitude that is keeping me from living a complete life. I am thinking about Joe Biden. How he got up from his son's death bed to honor his son and his love for him. I guess that is the place I need to find in myself. I am wondering if it is there. COPA [/QUOTE]
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