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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 671470" data-attributes="member: 19245">I have been waking up screaming a bit less and I am less jumpy.&nbsp; I feel a bit better, sad, but less afraid of being hurt.&nbsp; I am more afraid of my son's current and future state, though.I saw my therapist today.&nbsp; She wanted me to talk about my childhood...fun!&nbsp; It was beneficial, though.&nbsp; We discussed what she had said last week about my son never getting better.&nbsp; She wanted me to stop feeling guilty.&nbsp; She meant that no matter what I did or did not do, schizophrenia is a very difficult and serious disease. That it is not my fault if he is worse or gets worse in the future.&nbsp; He now has a chance to receive help, when he couldn't at home being cloistered in his room.&nbsp; Also, my youngest son is safe.My mind has always continually evaluated things.&nbsp; That is the way that I am 'wired'.&nbsp; Actually, it goes back to my childhood being hypervigilant.I do not really have hobbies.&nbsp; I recharge by being on the shore on the coast and looking out across the expanse.&nbsp; My problems seem so small by comparison.&nbsp;&nbsp; I love the salt air against my face and the sheer beauty of the ocean... it's ebb and flow.Hey, Copa, is that like your 'movement of the streets'?I also lift my spirits by shopping for antuques.&nbsp; I used to sell antiques AND teach.&nbsp; I found it difficult to let go of my treasures.&nbsp; I love history, architecture, and antiques of all kinds.I will not let myself bring home a decor item unless it is at least 100 years old.&nbsp; It has not slowed me down in the least.I might want to learn how to paint landscapes one day.&nbsp; I have started numerous crocheted projects, but never seem to finish.&nbsp; I always received &quot;A&quot;s in Art and I enjoy it.&nbsp; I just enjoy old things with history so much more.&nbsp; I like to create a new tableau with a grouping of antiques.Last weekend at a coastal town I bought a very large oval pastel portrait of a woman from the 1890's.&nbsp; She is in an ornate frame wearing a blue gown for $60.&nbsp; I love it.&nbsp; I enjoy history immensely.How are you doing Leafy...and fellow warrior...Cedar.&nbsp; I think of you and I think of warm pies...my favorite. I don't bake anymore because I would eat it all.How are you?&nbsp; I hope that you are doing well. I am proud of all of us.&nbsp; Facing life head on...on life's terms.Roar!!!</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 671470, member: 19245"] I have been waking up screaming a bit less and I am less jumpy. I feel a bit better, sad, but less afraid of being hurt. I am more afraid of my son's current and future state, though. I saw my therapist today. She wanted me to talk about my childhood...fun! It was beneficial, though. We discussed what she had said last week about my son never getting better. She wanted me to stop feeling guilty. She meant that no matter what I did or did not do, schizophrenia is a very difficult and serious disease. That it is not my fault if he is worse or gets worse in the future. He now has a chance to receive help, when he couldn't at home being cloistered in his room. Also, my youngest son is safe. My mind has always continually evaluated things. That is the way that I am 'wired'. Actually, it goes back to my childhood being hypervigilant. I do not really have hobbies. I recharge by being on the shore on the coast and looking out across the expanse. My problems seem so small by comparison. I love the salt air against my face and the sheer beauty of the ocean... it's ebb and flow. Hey, Copa, is that like your 'movement of the streets'? I also lift my spirits by shopping for antuques. I used to sell antiques AND teach. I found it difficult to let go of my treasures. I love history, architecture, and antiques of all kinds. I will not let myself bring home a decor item unless it is at least 100 years old. It has not slowed me down in the least. I might want to learn how to paint landscapes one day. I have started numerous crocheted projects, but never seem to finish. I always received "A"s in Art and I enjoy it. I just enjoy old things with history so much more. I like to create a new tableau with a grouping of antiques. Last weekend at a coastal town I bought a very large oval pastel portrait of a woman from the 1890's. She is in an ornate frame wearing a blue gown for $60. I love it. I enjoy history immensely. How are you doing Leafy...and fellow warrior...Cedar. I think of you and I think of warm pies...my favorite. I don't bake anymore because I would eat it all. How are you? I hope that you are doing well. I am proud of all of us. Facing life head on...on life's terms. Roar!!! [/QUOTE]

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