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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 671750" data-attributes="member: 17461">He notices.We did the same, for our daughter.***One time, I learned this, and it gave me comfort.  There are times when comfort is a godsend of enough, just enough, to stand up.  So, this is what I learned:I learned that it is not their job to love me. It is my job to love them.And so, I was strong enough to go on, to do the right things, to keep myself in a heart space where I could live.  It was very quiet, in there.  I could look out, leaving most of me there, in that heartspace.I lived there for a long time.I am so sorry for the pain of it.  There was a time we discussed Radical Acceptance, here on P.E.  Something about that term helped me, too.  It is what it is.  If we can bring ourselves to that point, then we can stand it.  If we can get ourselves to that point where we know we have done what we would do again because there literally was no other way to do it or we would have found it, then we can hold on, somehow, for that day.We chose.  We decided.  Doing the same things over and over leaves no room for something new to happen.So, we chose.And it was a correct choice, because our children have lives to live that have nothing to do with staying safe in a room while their sanity leaks away.I am sorry.It is what it is.If you google paintings of the Mary, you will see in her eyes how to do this, how to live through this.We don't know why any of this is happening to our children.We don't know.You had to do it just the way you did it, Feeling.  Your son has a chance, now.  It isn't so much that you could not have figured out some way to keep him home, impossible as that would have been.  Some part of you knows, and knew then, that this is his last chance.  He may be able to reclaim himself there in that harsher morality of the streets.  He may see himself reflected there, and grow.You had to give him that chance.There was nothing else.There was nothing you hadn't tried.Now is the time when you gut your way through it.Radical acceptance.I am very sorry it is so hard.That is the worst thing.  But maybe, he will find himself. Those words carry the terror of it.I was not able to find comfort.The days passed, and the nights.We are their mothers.There isn't anything else to say.You are doing the best thing.  If and when there is another way, some other thing to try, you will.  For now, believe this is best for him and believe in yourself.  Where you are living from is a very difficult place.  It requires great strength to live from that place.  The alternative is to be destroyed.So, we don't really have a choice in the matter.Somehow, you will do this. And we are right here.  Have you read Pema Chodron, Feeling?  She will help you now, I think.***Wasn't that a lovely prayer Leafy made for you?:O)I would like to send it to daughter.I will try to figure out a way.She would so love it, to be cherished like that.I loved the part about the lei and the circle and the fragrance of it, rising up as you placed the lei.  I loved that part.</blockquote>

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