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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 671768" data-attributes="member: 19245">Thank you, Cedar.You are right.&nbsp; It was the only way for us...or him...to have a chance at life.&nbsp; He was getting worse here and trying to argue with the voices.&nbsp; He didn't want to kill me.&nbsp; I can only imagine how difficult that was for him.My middle son slept with a knife when he lived here.&nbsp; When my ill son would destroy something it was very scary and upsetting.&nbsp; He would tell me in private, &quot;Dont worry about your things.&nbsp; How is HE feeling inside to have done this?&quot; My ill son no longer has the triggers or the target, i.e. me, so that alone is better for him.&nbsp; His voices are still commanding him, but he does not have to worry about hurting us.Also, being out of his room has to be better on some level.&nbsp; His room was stark, with dark grey walls and a dark brown sheet over the window.&nbsp; He had large holes punched and kicked into the walls.&nbsp; He never would let me in.&nbsp; Nature outdoors would trump that dark 'prison' hands down.My middle son in college up north is very depressed.&nbsp; He feels embarrassed to get help.&nbsp; I texted him...He prefers this to talking.&nbsp; He loves his brother and is worried about him.&nbsp; He is finding it hard to concentrate.&nbsp; He is profoundly sad.&nbsp; I have gently told him to go and talk to someone many times.He doesn't date.&nbsp; He is a biologist and does not want to have kids because there are 3 people in our family with schizophrenia and he knows genetics.&nbsp; He is lonely.&nbsp; He is so very handsome and gifted.&nbsp; He helped to paint a large mural of the ocean and sea life outside of my classroom when he was in pull out gate, before I taught at that school.&nbsp; I smile each day when I get to my classroom.&nbsp; He was in the 3rd grade. In 2nd grade, they were asked to write their favorite word and draw a picture of it.&nbsp; He chose 'ominous' and drew dark clouds.&nbsp; His teacher was impressed and wanted him to be tested, but I thought...why did he choose that word?His I.Q. was in the upper 2%.&nbsp; It makes life more difficult for him.&nbsp; He sees everything and feels such pain for people's suffering around the world.&nbsp; He always has.&nbsp; He educates mentally challenged adults and school children out in nature.&nbsp; He helps with river and ocean clean ups. He speaks on current topics relating to our environment.&nbsp; He is trying to hang on...The pain is unbearable.&nbsp; Yes, when I find any tiny fragment of hope...I hang onto it and cherish it.Thank you, Cedar.&nbsp; Yes, it helps to know and FEEL that I did the right things for all of us.It also helps immensely to know that I am not alone.We all need to have hope.Roar!</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 671768, member: 19245"] Thank you, Cedar. You are right. It was the only way for us...or him...to have a chance at life. He was getting worse here and trying to argue with the voices. He didn't want to kill me. I can only imagine how difficult that was for him. My middle son slept with a knife when he lived here. When my ill son would destroy something it was very scary and upsetting. He would tell me in private, "Dont worry about your things. How is HE feeling inside to have done this?" My ill son no longer has the triggers or the target, i.e. me, so that alone is better for him. His voices are still commanding him, but he does not have to worry about hurting us. Also, being out of his room has to be better on some level. His room was stark, with dark grey walls and a dark brown sheet over the window. He had large holes punched and kicked into the walls. He never would let me in. Nature outdoors would trump that dark 'prison' hands down. My middle son in college up north is very depressed. He feels embarrassed to get help. I texted him...He prefers this to talking. He loves his brother and is worried about him. He is finding it hard to concentrate. He is profoundly sad. I have gently told him to go and talk to someone many times. He doesn't date. He is a biologist and does not want to have kids because there are 3 people in our family with schizophrenia and he knows genetics. He is lonely. He is so very handsome and gifted. He helped to paint a large mural of the ocean and sea life outside of my classroom when he was in pull out gate, before I taught at that school. I smile each day when I get to my classroom. He was in the 3rd grade. In 2nd grade, they were asked to write their favorite word and draw a picture of it. He chose 'ominous' and drew dark clouds. His teacher was impressed and wanted him to be tested, but I thought...why did he choose that word? His I.Q. was in the upper 2%. It makes life more difficult for him. He sees everything and feels such pain for people's suffering around the world. He always has. He educates mentally challenged adults and school children out in nature. He helps with river and ocean clean ups. He speaks on current topics relating to our environment. He is trying to hang on... The pain is unbearable. Yes, when I find any tiny fragment of hope...I hang onto it and cherish it. Thank you, Cedar. Yes, it helps to know and FEEL that I did the right things for all of us. It also helps immensely to know that I am not alone. We all need to have hope. Roar! [/QUOTE]

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