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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 693137" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Leafy, it sounds like you are slowly healing. I am glad. You have been through so much.</p><p></p><p>Going through this has changed me. I feel more anxious and yet life is more special to me. </p><p></p><p>I am also getting paperwork in order and sorting. My brother had a Capuchin monkey growing up. I found that he had saved 3 of the outfits that I had sewed for him... Yes, I too am thinking back to fond memories.</p><p></p><p>I want to thin out my things, or at least, stop buying items. Being bored and lonely, I shop. It is a very bad habit. Ah...that quick rush you get with a good deal and then you are left with the item forever or, at least until your loved ones sort through your things.</p><p></p><p>Okay, I do sound a bit maudlin.</p><p></p><p>I don't like to shop as much as I used to. I still have boxes of my mom's and dad's things, although I donated a lot. I have my ill son's things, as well as, my middle son's things because he is between places. Now, I have my brothers' belongings. My house looks like a big garage sale. It is depressing and over-whelming.</p><p></p><p>I want to make it easier for my sons when I pass. I do not want to have them go what I am going through. That is why I want to try to become a bit more Spartan. But, my house decor is Victorian. By nature, it has a lot of brick-a-brac. Does that sound like rationalization?</p><p></p><p>I am more anxious because I still get scared when my ill son's door is ajar. One year later and I still bave the startle reflex.</p><p></p><p>But now, I have been waking up gasping, thinking that I am dying like my brother. I have been sleeping with the adjacent bathroom light on. I am more afraid of death...not less. I have never liked sleeping. I do not know if it the loss of control or that it is a perfectly good waste of time...</p><p></p><p>Leafy, Hubs would be very proud of you. Yes, he would want you to carry on, cherish memories, and live your life to the fullest. Some people never have the love that you shared. You are truly blessed.</p><p></p><p>I will try to dig my way out of all of the boxes and stacks in each room. My brother belonged actively to 4 or 5 churches and almost all of his 70 books were religious in nature. He had about 20 Bibles. Really!</p><p></p><p>It certainly is true that you can't take it with you. My messy house is witness to this sad fact! Perhaps Special Delivety?</p><p></p><p>It is very difficult to sort through things when you are depressed. EVERYTHING has special meaning.</p><p></p><p>I used up a roll of foil that my ill son had bought when he lived here. I wanted to keep it. He will never buy anything for the house again. A sad little off-brand green box and accompanying cardboard roll had special meaning for me. It sounds even more pitiful in typing this out. I am just very over-whelmed and depressed.</p><p></p><p>Your post was so uplifting positive, Leafy, mine is quite the inverse! Sorry...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 693137, member: 19245"] Leafy, it sounds like you are slowly healing. I am glad. You have been through so much. Going through this has changed me. I feel more anxious and yet life is more special to me. I am also getting paperwork in order and sorting. My brother had a Capuchin monkey growing up. I found that he had saved 3 of the outfits that I had sewed for him... Yes, I too am thinking back to fond memories. I want to thin out my things, or at least, stop buying items. Being bored and lonely, I shop. It is a very bad habit. Ah...that quick rush you get with a good deal and then you are left with the item forever or, at least until your loved ones sort through your things. Okay, I do sound a bit maudlin. I don't like to shop as much as I used to. I still have boxes of my mom's and dad's things, although I donated a lot. I have my ill son's things, as well as, my middle son's things because he is between places. Now, I have my brothers' belongings. My house looks like a big garage sale. It is depressing and over-whelming. I want to make it easier for my sons when I pass. I do not want to have them go what I am going through. That is why I want to try to become a bit more Spartan. But, my house decor is Victorian. By nature, it has a lot of brick-a-brac. Does that sound like rationalization? I am more anxious because I still get scared when my ill son's door is ajar. One year later and I still bave the startle reflex. But now, I have been waking up gasping, thinking that I am dying like my brother. I have been sleeping with the adjacent bathroom light on. I am more afraid of death...not less. I have never liked sleeping. I do not know if it the loss of control or that it is a perfectly good waste of time... Leafy, Hubs would be very proud of you. Yes, he would want you to carry on, cherish memories, and live your life to the fullest. Some people never have the love that you shared. You are truly blessed. I will try to dig my way out of all of the boxes and stacks in each room. My brother belonged actively to 4 or 5 churches and almost all of his 70 books were religious in nature. He had about 20 Bibles. Really! It certainly is true that you can't take it with you. My messy house is witness to this sad fact! Perhaps Special Delivety? It is very difficult to sort through things when you are depressed. EVERYTHING has special meaning. I used up a roll of foil that my ill son had bought when he lived here. I wanted to keep it. He will never buy anything for the house again. A sad little off-brand green box and accompanying cardboard roll had special meaning for me. It sounds even more pitiful in typing this out. I am just very over-whelmed and depressed. Your post was so uplifting positive, Leafy, mine is quite the inverse! Sorry... [/QUOTE]
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