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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 693579" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Leafy, yes, we are both going through so much.</p><p></p><p>I too am dealing with flashbacks of my brother's death. It is exacerbating my ptsd. I did not know at the moment what was happening. I had that thought, or 'message', about if he passed it would be calm and peaceful. A moment later, his chest was heaving. I actually told my brother to breathe slower. Can you imagine how I feel? His last awareness on Earth was my distant voice nagging him to breathe slower while he was gasping for air. Then, the 2 nurses ran over and tried to revive him. I was just there to take him home...</p><p></p><p>I like to think that it helped him for me to be there. But, I too have the trauma of witnessing his passing. I wake up gasping. I can't help but visualize it. It did not look "calm and peaceful" to me. People who have near death experiences come back and say that they felt no pain. They did not suffer. I am going with that thought.</p><p></p><p>I am strong, for the most part. I have always had to be. But, my middle son is deep in the grips of depression. Being a biologist, he of course read how antidepressants permanently change the makeup of your mind. Now...he wants no part of medication. I worry about the possibility that he will get schizophrenia. </p><p></p><p>I truly remember that the last the time I was down my my depths happy without any fears looming was when I was in 5th grade wearing a glittery princess Halloween costume at the school carnival. I had years of ugly pirate with an eye-patch and toad costumes that my father had picked out. I finally got my 'glitter'...literally and figuratively. Life was simple then... I remember walking across the playground smiling...just truly smiling.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you about life being short. We both know this better than anyone. I am trying to get better. I have been told that my ptsd might be permanent. But, I shall carry on. </p><p></p><p>I like to ship my new tops and clothing off...with the tags on, to the most recent disaster. I have done it a few times. I buy too much for myself and I am helping others. It is a win/win situation. I am getting a box ready to ship to West Virginia. I am not rich, but it makes me feel good. I can help others even if I can't help my sons.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your story about the car, Child. Yes, you completely understand my sad empty foil box experience.</p><p></p><p>Life slips by so quickly. I feel like I live in the land of someday. Someday my sons will be better. But, time continues to tick away. I keep waiting for that magical day. But, my life is slipping slowly away. I need to find some peace or happiness within myself and try to forge ahead...somehow.</p><p></p><p>I am proud of you, Leafy. I imagine you surfing in the glistening sun. Hubs would be very proud of you. You go girl! Yes...determination.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 693579, member: 19245"] Leafy, yes, we are both going through so much. I too am dealing with flashbacks of my brother's death. It is exacerbating my ptsd. I did not know at the moment what was happening. I had that thought, or 'message', about if he passed it would be calm and peaceful. A moment later, his chest was heaving. I actually told my brother to breathe slower. Can you imagine how I feel? His last awareness on Earth was my distant voice nagging him to breathe slower while he was gasping for air. Then, the 2 nurses ran over and tried to revive him. I was just there to take him home... I like to think that it helped him for me to be there. But, I too have the trauma of witnessing his passing. I wake up gasping. I can't help but visualize it. It did not look "calm and peaceful" to me. People who have near death experiences come back and say that they felt no pain. They did not suffer. I am going with that thought. I am strong, for the most part. I have always had to be. But, my middle son is deep in the grips of depression. Being a biologist, he of course read how antidepressants permanently change the makeup of your mind. Now...he wants no part of medication. I worry about the possibility that he will get schizophrenia. I truly remember that the last the time I was down my my depths happy without any fears looming was when I was in 5th grade wearing a glittery princess Halloween costume at the school carnival. I had years of ugly pirate with an eye-patch and toad costumes that my father had picked out. I finally got my 'glitter'...literally and figuratively. Life was simple then... I remember walking across the playground smiling...just truly smiling. I agree with you about life being short. We both know this better than anyone. I am trying to get better. I have been told that my ptsd might be permanent. But, I shall carry on. I like to ship my new tops and clothing off...with the tags on, to the most recent disaster. I have done it a few times. I buy too much for myself and I am helping others. It is a win/win situation. I am getting a box ready to ship to West Virginia. I am not rich, but it makes me feel good. I can help others even if I can't help my sons. Thank you for your story about the car, Child. Yes, you completely understand my sad empty foil box experience. Life slips by so quickly. I feel like I live in the land of someday. Someday my sons will be better. But, time continues to tick away. I keep waiting for that magical day. But, my life is slipping slowly away. I need to find some peace or happiness within myself and try to forge ahead...somehow. I am proud of you, Leafy. I imagine you surfing in the glistening sun. Hubs would be very proud of you. You go girl! Yes...determination. [/QUOTE]
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