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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 693690" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am proud of you Feeling, you have overcome so much, you are one tough cookie!</p><p>I am clearing out too, feel the same way about too much stuff, want to simplify. Hubs got to a point where he just could not throw things away, there was always a use for something. Recycling and reusing is good, but when the stuff just piles up, everything is cluttered, it makes it harder to clean and becomes a nuisance. My mind gets cluttered, I feel yucky. While hubs was alive, I knew that his stuff was an issue that I could not battle. I have been sorting through his "treasures" and made several dump runs of stuff that just didn't make sense to keep, rusty broken tools, old parts of things, etc. Son has been helping sort through it and comes along with me. It is a good time for us to talk as we drive along the way. Every time we have done this, a white cattle egret has hopped up onto hubs truck hood, staring at us as we empty the contents in the bed. I say "Yes, hon, I am dumping again, I just don't have a use for this stuff...."</p><p>Too much stuff......for me, it impedes my thought process. I have passed piles of it for years trying to ignore it, but now I am going through it and while sadness mixes in to the process, it is healing as well to clear out. I think we all have our treasure piles that someone else would not see the value we place on it.</p><p>Feeling, I have a friend who's parents were in the antique business. Her house is chock a block full of old and beautiful pieces, almost like an antique store! She views those antiques as her parents investment for her future, when short of cash, sells them. Maybe in your clearing out, you could catalogue a few for your sons reference?</p><p>I think that paring down is a part of growing older and wanting to simplify. My mom has done this, she is one of the most organized people I know, unfortunately, I did not inherit the trait. I like to shop too, but am making a rule that if I bring something in, I have to take something out. Sometimes, I will walk around a bit and put stuff in my cart, but wait awhile before going to the cashier, I end up putting a lot back.......ask myself "Do I really need this? Usually, I just <em>want </em>it....got to remind myself I have lots to clean out.</p><p>Ditto, don't want my kids left with a mess to clean out. Or, the feeling that they are "erasing me" like how I felt earlier on about taking care of business. Hoku commented to me that it is weird, how her dad is gone and I have to close accounts, destroy his checks and all of that business that goes with a loved one passing on. It is a part of life and the eventuality of death. We are all headed to an end, right from our birth on. What comes between that is up to us in some ways, in others, not.</p><p>I am contemplating a cremation plan with a mortuary, so it will be paid for and my kids don't have to worry about it. I have never been responsible for funeral arrangements or anything of the sort, so it was part of the shock when hubs passed. What do I do? How do I do this? I am glad there was family there to help.</p><p> Me too. I am trying to get things in order, so when I go, it will be easier for the kids to transition. I don't feel<em> depressed</em> about it, just that I have so many things I want to do before I go?</p><p>I can imagine how it would trigger this for you Feeling. It is so inexplicably traumatic to witness our loved ones passing, especially when it is sudden, unexpected.....I have to work hard to stave off the flashbacks, that feeling of despair and helplessness. I do not wish that to be the looming memory of my time with my husband. It can't be, it is too difficult. There are so many tender moments that I need to reflect on to soften the harsh ending he faced. Not once did a doctor say "your husband is very ill, he may not make it..." In fact, they all said the opposite, that he was strong and would pull through. I am sorry Feeling for going through the horror of your brothers passing. Words cannot express.</p><p> It does take it to another level, looking into the face of our impending inevitability. I am nearing 60. How much more quality time do I have? It is giving me a sense of urgency to do things that are fulfilling, try something different. I have been working to keep myself very busy these past few weeks, coming in and out of a cocoon of grief. It does not envelope me so much as time passes, but, I do have my moments when I need to be in solitude to let the feelings go through me. The flashbacks come at the oddest times. I have to take a deep breath and push the imagery from my mind.</p><p>That is also driving me to work to live as best can.</p><p>Yes Feeling, me too. Forge ahead, somehow towards peace and happiness. Lets make our own magical days.........</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 693690, member: 19522"] I am proud of you Feeling, you have overcome so much, you are one tough cookie! I am clearing out too, feel the same way about too much stuff, want to simplify. Hubs got to a point where he just could not throw things away, there was always a use for something. Recycling and reusing is good, but when the stuff just piles up, everything is cluttered, it makes it harder to clean and becomes a nuisance. My mind gets cluttered, I feel yucky. While hubs was alive, I knew that his stuff was an issue that I could not battle. I have been sorting through his "treasures" and made several dump runs of stuff that just didn't make sense to keep, rusty broken tools, old parts of things, etc. Son has been helping sort through it and comes along with me. It is a good time for us to talk as we drive along the way. Every time we have done this, a white cattle egret has hopped up onto hubs truck hood, staring at us as we empty the contents in the bed. I say "Yes, hon, I am dumping again, I just don't have a use for this stuff...." Too much stuff......for me, it impedes my thought process. I have passed piles of it for years trying to ignore it, but now I am going through it and while sadness mixes in to the process, it is healing as well to clear out. I think we all have our treasure piles that someone else would not see the value we place on it. Feeling, I have a friend who's parents were in the antique business. Her house is chock a block full of old and beautiful pieces, almost like an antique store! She views those antiques as her parents investment for her future, when short of cash, sells them. Maybe in your clearing out, you could catalogue a few for your sons reference? I think that paring down is a part of growing older and wanting to simplify. My mom has done this, she is one of the most organized people I know, unfortunately, I did not inherit the trait. I like to shop too, but am making a rule that if I bring something in, I have to take something out. Sometimes, I will walk around a bit and put stuff in my cart, but wait awhile before going to the cashier, I end up putting a lot back.......ask myself "Do I really need this? Usually, I just [I]want [/I]it....got to remind myself I have lots to clean out. Ditto, don't want my kids left with a mess to clean out. Or, the feeling that they are "erasing me" like how I felt earlier on about taking care of business. Hoku commented to me that it is weird, how her dad is gone and I have to close accounts, destroy his checks and all of that business that goes with a loved one passing on. It is a part of life and the eventuality of death. We are all headed to an end, right from our birth on. What comes between that is up to us in some ways, in others, not. I am contemplating a cremation plan with a mortuary, so it will be paid for and my kids don't have to worry about it. I have never been responsible for funeral arrangements or anything of the sort, so it was part of the shock when hubs passed. What do I do? How do I do this? I am glad there was family there to help. Me too. I am trying to get things in order, so when I go, it will be easier for the kids to transition. I don't feel[I] depressed[/I] about it, just that I have so many things I want to do before I go? I can imagine how it would trigger this for you Feeling. It is so inexplicably traumatic to witness our loved ones passing, especially when it is sudden, unexpected.....I have to work hard to stave off the flashbacks, that feeling of despair and helplessness. I do not wish that to be the looming memory of my time with my husband. It can't be, it is too difficult. There are so many tender moments that I need to reflect on to soften the harsh ending he faced. Not once did a doctor say "your husband is very ill, he may not make it..." In fact, they all said the opposite, that he was strong and would pull through. I am sorry Feeling for going through the horror of your brothers passing. Words cannot express. It does take it to another level, looking into the face of our impending inevitability. I am nearing 60. How much more quality time do I have? It is giving me a sense of urgency to do things that are fulfilling, try something different. I have been working to keep myself very busy these past few weeks, coming in and out of a cocoon of grief. It does not envelope me so much as time passes, but, I do have my moments when I need to be in solitude to let the feelings go through me. The flashbacks come at the oddest times. I have to take a deep breath and push the imagery from my mind. That is also driving me to work to live as best can. Yes Feeling, me too. Forge ahead, somehow towards peace and happiness. Lets make our own magical days......... (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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