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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 703445" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Feeling,</p><p>I apologize for not writing sooner, I have been going through so many different phases with hubs passing. Life has been non-stop with bills to pay, work, sons activities, etc., etc. Sometimes I feel like everything has gone to hyper speed and I am on the outside watching myself, like a movie or something. Does that make any sense at all? It feels like I have no time to process this overwhelming grief that sometimes just wells up inside and catches me off guard at the oddest moments. So, I would open up CD and read and it became too much for me, on top of everything else. I may need to become a hermit for awhile. I don't know if I am even explaining myself correctly?</p><p>I am so sorry you are wrestling with fear. I don't think I can begin to comprehend the torture of that. There was a time when I was younger and hubs was drinking too much. He was not a happy drinker. I wouldn't know what to expect when he came home. I would lie in bed consumed with worry. The refrigerator motor would turn on, and I would think it was his car and my heart would pound out of my chest. It was a horrible feeling.</p><p>It took awhile but I finally said <em><strong>no more</strong></em> and we went to counseling, well that's the short of it.....</p><p>Feeling, there is not much you can do on that end of this. Your son is out there, and he did threaten you, yes. But, there are things you can do at home? Yes? I know people have mentioned pets, but you have allergies. The Chinese Crested? Oh Feeling, at least you would have another being there with you. One of my friends has terrible allergies, she now has a little hypo allergenic dog and <em>absolutely adores her</em>.</p><p> I will stand on the mountain and shout out to the winds to reach you.......BALDERDASH! FEELING!!!!YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE VALUABLE!!!!!!Do you know why Feeling? And anyone out there who is struggling with their mentally ill or drug addicted adult child out there........There are resources for them. You may argue the point that your son is schizophrenic, that it is not his choice for the voices and everything else. My daughter, for whatever reason is out there too, Feeling. Am I to feel the same way? My husband is dead. Should I never seek joy again because terrible things are happening to my grandchildren? Sometimes I feel this way, how can I have a rest of my life when my two, my grands are suffering so. It is not entirely any one of their faults? Addiction is not a choice, they say, it is a disease. Yes, very different from schizophrenia, but still and then, how much has meth ravaged my eldest's mind? She has threatened me as well, Feeling, not to the extreme you have suffered with your son, but enough for me to fear what she may be capable of. Feeling. For the love of God Little Bird, find something, some <em>way</em>, some <em>how</em> to climb up out of this. You are worth fighting for. I am fighting for you and me. You know why Feeling? It is not selfish to try and live well, despite what is going on with our kids. It is self sustaining, self preservation, and these are the qualities we hope with our last might that our kids may one day possess. What rest of our lives do we have in our fifties? I am shouting from the mountain side, Feeling, can you hear me? I am trying to claw my way up to the top.......still.</p><p></p><p> Don't you DARE turn your cape in. What warrior does not go through the emotions you are Feeling right now? Stop writing the end of the story, because it is not. It may be lifelong that you are dealing with all of this, me too, Feeling. We have no control over what life throws at us. The only control we have is how we react. From what I have read in your posts, Little Bird, you are capable of so, so much. You have been dealt some terrible, terrible blows. </p><p>There is a reason why you are still here.</p><p>There is a reason.</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]6Cp6mKbRTQY[/MEDIA]</p><p>There is a reason for all of us here.</p><p>Many, many hugs</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 703445, member: 19522"] Hello Feeling, I apologize for not writing sooner, I have been going through so many different phases with hubs passing. Life has been non-stop with bills to pay, work, sons activities, etc., etc. Sometimes I feel like everything has gone to hyper speed and I am on the outside watching myself, like a movie or something. Does that make any sense at all? It feels like I have no time to process this overwhelming grief that sometimes just wells up inside and catches me off guard at the oddest moments. So, I would open up CD and read and it became too much for me, on top of everything else. I may need to become a hermit for awhile. I don't know if I am even explaining myself correctly? I am so sorry you are wrestling with fear. I don't think I can begin to comprehend the torture of that. There was a time when I was younger and hubs was drinking too much. He was not a happy drinker. I wouldn't know what to expect when he came home. I would lie in bed consumed with worry. The refrigerator motor would turn on, and I would think it was his car and my heart would pound out of my chest. It was a horrible feeling. It took awhile but I finally said [I][B]no more[/B][/I] and we went to counseling, well that's the short of it..... Feeling, there is not much you can do on that end of this. Your son is out there, and he did threaten you, yes. But, there are things you can do at home? Yes? I know people have mentioned pets, but you have allergies. The Chinese Crested? Oh Feeling, at least you would have another being there with you. One of my friends has terrible allergies, she now has a little hypo allergenic dog and [I]absolutely adores her[/I]. I will stand on the mountain and shout out to the winds to reach you.......BALDERDASH! FEELING!!!!YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE VALUABLE!!!!!!Do you know why Feeling? And anyone out there who is struggling with their mentally ill or drug addicted adult child out there........There are resources for them. You may argue the point that your son is schizophrenic, that it is not his choice for the voices and everything else. My daughter, for whatever reason is out there too, Feeling. Am I to feel the same way? My husband is dead. Should I never seek joy again because terrible things are happening to my grandchildren? Sometimes I feel this way, how can I have a rest of my life when my two, my grands are suffering so. It is not entirely any one of their faults? Addiction is not a choice, they say, it is a disease. Yes, very different from schizophrenia, but still and then, how much has meth ravaged my eldest's mind? She has threatened me as well, Feeling, not to the extreme you have suffered with your son, but enough for me to fear what she may be capable of. Feeling. For the love of God Little Bird, find something, some [I]way[/I], some [I]how[/I] to climb up out of this. You are worth fighting for. I am fighting for you and me. You know why Feeling? It is not selfish to try and live well, despite what is going on with our kids. It is self sustaining, self preservation, and these are the qualities we hope with our last might that our kids may one day possess. What rest of our lives do we have in our fifties? I am shouting from the mountain side, Feeling, can you hear me? I am trying to claw my way up to the top.......still. Don't you DARE turn your cape in. What warrior does not go through the emotions you are Feeling right now? Stop writing the end of the story, because it is not. It may be lifelong that you are dealing with all of this, me too, Feeling. We have no control over what life throws at us. The only control we have is how we react. From what I have read in your posts, Little Bird, you are capable of so, so much. You have been dealt some terrible, terrible blows. There is a reason why you are still here. There is a reason. [MEDIA=youtube]6Cp6mKbRTQY[/MEDIA] There is a reason for all of us here. Many, many hugs Leafy [/QUOTE]
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