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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 703472" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Thank you, Leafy, Copa, and Albatross. I was just starting to try to go to sleep when I read your posts. Thank you. I feel a little more brave and hopeful.</p><p></p><p>Leafy, you have gone through so much. Yes, I completely understand about time moving so very fast and always feeling like you are not quite caught up. I have left the site at times. Sometimes life is so over-whelming. Thank you, dear friend for the beautiful song. It was perfect!</p><p></p><p>I know what you mean about feeling sad at certain times. I could her a song or see something that jogged a memory and start tearing up. I have not lost a husband to death. It must be very difficult to be on your own, and yet, still be having to face the issues of your difficult children. It is hard enough, I hear, to start to live without your spouse. Thank God that you have your wonderful son to keep you going forward.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we will all get through this. I stopped for awhile after the Washington Post contacted me on this site in a private conversation. I contacted him. I felt torn, but I said no because I did not want my ill son to read his name online. He is paranoid that people are trying to spy on him on the internet. Also, I would not want my other two sons to have it all out in public and be embarrassed. In addition, I continue to be afraid of repurcussions from the police. All 3 officers that came out that first night lied to their commanding officer and said that they had offered to come in, but that I turned them down. Lastly, I live in a small town. We do lockdown drills all of the time. How would the district or parents feel about having children in my class with a possibly violent man out there who might try to kill me?</p><p></p><p>I felt very bad about my decision. Yes, it was best for my family. But, I had a chance to perhaps affect a change in the mental health system. Or, at the very least, draw more attention to an important subject. I felt like I sold out other parents or ill adult children in need of help. I don't know. I need to do something. I wrote a senator. You cannot do anything unless you are willing to give your name and explicit details.</p><p></p><p>I am feeling horrible because I hate that the one who I am afraid of is the one that I miss the most...my ill son. I cannot think of a more cruel dichotomous situation for a mother. I will probably die not ever seeing him again. That is why I believe in life after death. I hope that I can see him on Earth when I am in Heaven. I could then see if he is eating enough or is feeling scared.</p><p></p><p>We all go through such sheer torture. Leafy, it broke my heart when you wrote about your daughter taking showers in a stall. Yes, addiction is mental illness and meth is absolutely horrible. Yes, it ravages the mind.</p><p></p><p>As mothers, we are hardwired to care and protect our offspring. It is foreign to do otherwise. We have lost our 'babies' and want to care and nurture them. Yes, we have a right to our own lives. Yes, time is slipping away. But, yet, we still ache and yearn for our precious children to get better and be safe.</p><p></p><p>I hate that houses settle and creak at night. We will all get through this. Thank you, dear friends.</p><p></p><p>Albatross, I will keep my very tattered cape on.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I will check into somatic therapy.</p><p></p><p>Leafy, Balderdash is not used nearly enough. Yes, I could 'hear' you from here!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 703472, member: 19245"] Thank you, Leafy, Copa, and Albatross. I was just starting to try to go to sleep when I read your posts. Thank you. I feel a little more brave and hopeful. Leafy, you have gone through so much. Yes, I completely understand about time moving so very fast and always feeling like you are not quite caught up. I have left the site at times. Sometimes life is so over-whelming. Thank you, dear friend for the beautiful song. It was perfect! I know what you mean about feeling sad at certain times. I could her a song or see something that jogged a memory and start tearing up. I have not lost a husband to death. It must be very difficult to be on your own, and yet, still be having to face the issues of your difficult children. It is hard enough, I hear, to start to live without your spouse. Thank God that you have your wonderful son to keep you going forward. Yes, we will all get through this. I stopped for awhile after the Washington Post contacted me on this site in a private conversation. I contacted him. I felt torn, but I said no because I did not want my ill son to read his name online. He is paranoid that people are trying to spy on him on the internet. Also, I would not want my other two sons to have it all out in public and be embarrassed. In addition, I continue to be afraid of repurcussions from the police. All 3 officers that came out that first night lied to their commanding officer and said that they had offered to come in, but that I turned them down. Lastly, I live in a small town. We do lockdown drills all of the time. How would the district or parents feel about having children in my class with a possibly violent man out there who might try to kill me? I felt very bad about my decision. Yes, it was best for my family. But, I had a chance to perhaps affect a change in the mental health system. Or, at the very least, draw more attention to an important subject. I felt like I sold out other parents or ill adult children in need of help. I don't know. I need to do something. I wrote a senator. You cannot do anything unless you are willing to give your name and explicit details. I am feeling horrible because I hate that the one who I am afraid of is the one that I miss the most...my ill son. I cannot think of a more cruel dichotomous situation for a mother. I will probably die not ever seeing him again. That is why I believe in life after death. I hope that I can see him on Earth when I am in Heaven. I could then see if he is eating enough or is feeling scared. We all go through such sheer torture. Leafy, it broke my heart when you wrote about your daughter taking showers in a stall. Yes, addiction is mental illness and meth is absolutely horrible. Yes, it ravages the mind. As mothers, we are hardwired to care and protect our offspring. It is foreign to do otherwise. We have lost our 'babies' and want to care and nurture them. Yes, we have a right to our own lives. Yes, time is slipping away. But, yet, we still ache and yearn for our precious children to get better and be safe. I hate that houses settle and creak at night. We will all get through this. Thank you, dear friends. Albatross, I will keep my very tattered cape on. Copa, I will check into somatic therapy. Leafy, Balderdash is not used nearly enough. Yes, I could 'hear' you from here! [/QUOTE]
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