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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710478" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Well. We are pulling each other down into the surf. I try to pull you out and end up beating you over the head. I will try again. While I wait for the yacht to come.</p><p></p><p>First. There are other ways to treat depression beyond anti-depressants, therapy and endless buying (*I am raising my hand here. It works really good until you have no place to walk in your house, garage, etc.)</p><p></p><p>There is exercise. Like walking or any exercise with bilateral movement. 3 years ago while I was in bed, I thought I would become a triathlete. I bought wetsuits (3).</p><p></p><p>You can do anything while you are in bed. To a point.</p><p></p><p>Another thing that helps with depression (I did this, too--the buying part at least--is needlework. Tatting. Crochet. Knitting. Felting.Spinning. Weaving. Sewing of any sort. I bought all of the props. Where you live there would be stores that offer courses in all of these things, but I think I remember that you do sew. The thing is Feeling (and I will be blunt here) you may be doing the same thing as middle son: Denying yourself the opportunity to get over this...because of the sense you do not deserve it.</p><p></p><p>Well. What to do then? You can get one of those pools and put a tether system in (cheap) and swim laps in place. It would be a metaphor for your life, but you will feel better. I am not being smart here. I am being smart.</p><p></p><p>I am researching above ground pools that can be recessed into the ground and look like regular pools. Feeling. Where you live you probably HAVE a pool already, but I do not. I want to enjoy my life. By that I do not just mean GETTING OUT of bed. But to have pleasure and contentment and support.</p><p></p><p>The idea of laying on an air mattress in a pool all day seems like a good idea to me at this point. Instead of bed.</p><p></p><p>I researched that there are now tether resistance systems to swim laps in a small pool.</p><p></p><p>I told M I wanted a pool and he did not say no. He just added it was not all as simple as I think.</p><p>When I first went to college I went away to live in a dorm even though my family (evil step father, mother and sister) lived 20 minutes away. I think they did not much like me.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I was very young. Just 17. It was too much and I hated every bit of it. I stopped going to my classes. I saw a therapist who tried to urge me to just try and resume--I could not. It was as if I had traveled too far out from the shore and there was no turning back.</p><p></p><p>Wrong metaphor. What I am trying to say is that middle son is living out what he thinks is his real authentic life. At this point achievement does not feel to him to be tolerable. He has sought out a circumstance that does.</p><p></p><p>Which feels intolerable to you, this latest iteration of his life, just as my own son's distress makes me go off the deep end (stuck in the water...still.)</p><p></p><p>This will change, I believe for him. He has resources and capacities that my own son has never demonstrated. He will find bottom, and he will surmount this. My own son? I get less hopeful every day.</p><p>I do not know, feeling. I believe you, but I think that life is not so simple...that we can rightfully interpret our situations as...due to what we do or do not do.</p><p></p><p>Your 3 sons turned out with exemplary characters, as is your own. They have shown commitment, ambition, resilience, compassion and loyalty. Your eldest became ill and his character was overridden by his disease.</p><p></p><p>As you describe yourself, others can see you in a different way: a woman of commitment, responsibility, who perseveres, and digs in.</p><p>There have been many times in my relationship with M that I believe the majority of women would have left (let alone gotten together with him in the first place, given circumstances, I think, you know.)</p><p></p><p>I could insult myself about how I feel I am undeserving of better, or accept crumbs, do not aspire, allow myself to be mistreated...etcetera. Maybe all of it is true. If I look at the glass half empty. But M has over the years worked hard to address his limits, and he is overcoming them. Not one hundred percent, but the trend is most definitely up. He just keeps chugging along to become the best human being he can. He has done this his whole life. As you have. And I guess I have, too.</p><p></p><p>But one thing I know about M is that he is loyal, and ethical, a tireless worker and he will always strive to do the right thing. He helped me care for my mother for a year--changing diapers and the feeding tube. I was never, ever alone. And with my son, he feels he is his son too. And that is what my mother said about him: <em>with him you will never have to face anything alone in your life.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>And to a large extent this is true. Except for one thing: I have to face him. And sometimes it has not been pleasant.</p><p></p><p>People pick their poison in life. We do so in large part involuntarily. Because we are picked by our childhoods. Nobody leaves their childhood unbroken in some way or another and nobody leaves life not being crippled and ravaged.</p><p></p><p>This sounds depressing, and maybe I am depressed too. But I feel it is something else. I feel I am finally understanding life for what it is. I am going to go to another thread right now to get something that I posted yesterday that applies here.</p><p></p><p>Feeling. I hope I can always be here for you. I do not know where my life will take me but I do not want to lose you. You are a remarkable woman.</p><p></p><p>I wish you would consider The Folk School in North Carolina. John C Carroll I think it is called. I could go at the same time and we can meet. I hope you do not dislike me. But what can I do?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710478, member: 18958"] Well. We are pulling each other down into the surf. I try to pull you out and end up beating you over the head. I will try again. While I wait for the yacht to come. First. There are other ways to treat depression beyond anti-depressants, therapy and endless buying (*I am raising my hand here. It works really good until you have no place to walk in your house, garage, etc.) There is exercise. Like walking or any exercise with bilateral movement. 3 years ago while I was in bed, I thought I would become a triathlete. I bought wetsuits (3). You can do anything while you are in bed. To a point. Another thing that helps with depression (I did this, too--the buying part at least--is needlework. Tatting. Crochet. Knitting. Felting.Spinning. Weaving. Sewing of any sort. I bought all of the props. Where you live there would be stores that offer courses in all of these things, but I think I remember that you do sew. The thing is Feeling (and I will be blunt here) you may be doing the same thing as middle son: Denying yourself the opportunity to get over this...because of the sense you do not deserve it. Well. What to do then? You can get one of those pools and put a tether system in (cheap) and swim laps in place. It would be a metaphor for your life, but you will feel better. I am not being smart here. I am being smart. I am researching above ground pools that can be recessed into the ground and look like regular pools. Feeling. Where you live you probably HAVE a pool already, but I do not. I want to enjoy my life. By that I do not just mean GETTING OUT of bed. But to have pleasure and contentment and support. The idea of laying on an air mattress in a pool all day seems like a good idea to me at this point. Instead of bed. I researched that there are now tether resistance systems to swim laps in a small pool. I told M I wanted a pool and he did not say no. He just added it was not all as simple as I think. When I first went to college I went away to live in a dorm even though my family (evil step father, mother and sister) lived 20 minutes away. I think they did not much like me. Anyway, I was very young. Just 17. It was too much and I hated every bit of it. I stopped going to my classes. I saw a therapist who tried to urge me to just try and resume--I could not. It was as if I had traveled too far out from the shore and there was no turning back. Wrong metaphor. What I am trying to say is that middle son is living out what he thinks is his real authentic life. At this point achievement does not feel to him to be tolerable. He has sought out a circumstance that does. Which feels intolerable to you, this latest iteration of his life, just as my own son's distress makes me go off the deep end (stuck in the water...still.) This will change, I believe for him. He has resources and capacities that my own son has never demonstrated. He will find bottom, and he will surmount this. My own son? I get less hopeful every day. I do not know, feeling. I believe you, but I think that life is not so simple...that we can rightfully interpret our situations as...due to what we do or do not do. Your 3 sons turned out with exemplary characters, as is your own. They have shown commitment, ambition, resilience, compassion and loyalty. Your eldest became ill and his character was overridden by his disease. As you describe yourself, others can see you in a different way: a woman of commitment, responsibility, who perseveres, and digs in. There have been many times in my relationship with M that I believe the majority of women would have left (let alone gotten together with him in the first place, given circumstances, I think, you know.) I could insult myself about how I feel I am undeserving of better, or accept crumbs, do not aspire, allow myself to be mistreated...etcetera. Maybe all of it is true. If I look at the glass half empty. But M has over the years worked hard to address his limits, and he is overcoming them. Not one hundred percent, but the trend is most definitely up. He just keeps chugging along to become the best human being he can. He has done this his whole life. As you have. And I guess I have, too. But one thing I know about M is that he is loyal, and ethical, a tireless worker and he will always strive to do the right thing. He helped me care for my mother for a year--changing diapers and the feeding tube. I was never, ever alone. And with my son, he feels he is his son too. And that is what my mother said about him: [I]with him you will never have to face anything alone in your life. [/I] And to a large extent this is true. Except for one thing: I have to face him. And sometimes it has not been pleasant. People pick their poison in life. We do so in large part involuntarily. Because we are picked by our childhoods. Nobody leaves their childhood unbroken in some way or another and nobody leaves life not being crippled and ravaged. This sounds depressing, and maybe I am depressed too. But I feel it is something else. I feel I am finally understanding life for what it is. I am going to go to another thread right now to get something that I posted yesterday that applies here. Feeling. I hope I can always be here for you. I do not know where my life will take me but I do not want to lose you. You are a remarkable woman. I wish you would consider The Folk School in North Carolina. John C Carroll I think it is called. I could go at the same time and we can meet. I hope you do not dislike me. But what can I do? [/QUOTE]
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