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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 710523" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>I agree with Copa that this is most likely what is happening with him, however, I also think that it is his problem to wrestle. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I learned these lessons from Lloyd's family. All four of them were enmeshed in a family dynamic of intense suffering. No one was happy. They didn't understand functioning in the world and doing well and enjoying it. I think Lloyd latched onto me, because I have always found a way to survive. I've been through a lot, but I'm resilient. He wanted that resiliency in his life. For a few years, he had peace in his life. Then his birth family sucked him back in to the vortex of misery. Guess what? You cannot make anyone feel better by joining them in their misery. I watched this entire family quite literally die by their collective misery. </p><p> </p><p>It doesn't make any sense. They had food, shelter, friends and family. They could travel a bit and enjoy life. No one</p><p><strong>enjoyed </strong>anything. Day after day after day after day of despising the world and its people and failing to enjoy any of the beauty that we have available. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>When it feels normal to hurt, then you can unconsciously push the kind people away. Their opposite treatment of you feels unfamiliar, abnormal and uncomfortable. </p><p></p><p> Feeling Sad, this was a horrible thing to say to you. It's emotional blackmail. He is in effect telling you that if he dies by suicide, that it is your fault. Please don't accept the blame for his mental state. Yes, he had a tougher than average upbringing. He's an adult now. His mental health is his responsibility. He routinely gives you the message that he doesn't want contact from you. How are you supposed to help him? </p><p></p><p>I am now telling Ferb something along the lines of "I want you to find a way to live your life and enjoy it. I will help you if you need to get to a doctor, but I won't allow your threat of suicide to control my own life." I've steered him to the resources; it's up to him to use them wisely.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 710523, member: 11832"] I agree with Copa that this is most likely what is happening with him, however, I also think that it is his problem to wrestle. I learned these lessons from Lloyd's family. All four of them were enmeshed in a family dynamic of intense suffering. No one was happy. They didn't understand functioning in the world and doing well and enjoying it. I think Lloyd latched onto me, because I have always found a way to survive. I've been through a lot, but I'm resilient. He wanted that resiliency in his life. For a few years, he had peace in his life. Then his birth family sucked him back in to the vortex of misery. Guess what? You cannot make anyone feel better by joining them in their misery. I watched this entire family quite literally die by their collective misery. It doesn't make any sense. They had food, shelter, friends and family. They could travel a bit and enjoy life. No one [B]enjoyed [/B]anything. Day after day after day after day of despising the world and its people and failing to enjoy any of the beauty that we have available. When it feels normal to hurt, then you can unconsciously push the kind people away. Their opposite treatment of you feels unfamiliar, abnormal and uncomfortable. Feeling Sad, this was a horrible thing to say to you. It's emotional blackmail. He is in effect telling you that if he dies by suicide, that it is your fault. Please don't accept the blame for his mental state. Yes, he had a tougher than average upbringing. He's an adult now. His mental health is his responsibility. He routinely gives you the message that he doesn't want contact from you. How are you supposed to help him? I am now telling Ferb something along the lines of "I want you to find a way to live your life and enjoy it. I will help you if you need to get to a doctor, but I won't allow your threat of suicide to control my own life." I've steered him to the resources; it's up to him to use them wisely. [/QUOTE]
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